Hands Free Mama: A Guide to Putting Down the Phone, Burning the To-Do List, and Letting Go of Perfection to Grasp What Really Matters!

by Rachel Macy Stafford

Someday, I’ll say yes to puddle jumping in the rain, disheveled ponytails, and extra bedtime stories.

I could complain less, cherish more, let go of the have-tos, and say yes more often.

There was no contest: looking into my children’s eyes beat staring at the screen of my smartphone.

The most life-changing experiences happen when I stop trying to control and simply let things unfold.

The distractions of the modern age cannot win our most valued possessions: our relationships, our memories, and our precious lives if we take a moment each day to put our hands on what matters most.

“Being responsible for someone’s childhood is a big deal. We not only create our own memories, but we create our child’s memories.”

The memories my children carry with them into adulthood are largely up to me.

Not only does sharing in household tasks offer connection, but it helps children understand that these tasks don’t magically get completed by themselves.

What we do while we wait with our children does matter. With each minute spent texting, surfing the Internet, checking social media, or reading emails, a chance to connect with our loved ones is lost.

the memories my children and I would someday cherish were made in the mundane, everyday moments of daily life — chatting while waiting for the bus, laughing as she helped me make dinner, and snuggling as she watched her favorite television show.

Stopping for a moment to offer my undivided attention to my children, as well as my spouse, improved our home environment and impacted everyone’s attitudes.

Choose a recurring activity or simple family tradition you could start this weekend. For example: • family game night • a memorable bedtime routine like bedtime stories and snuggles, piggyback rides to bed, or sharing your own childhood memories • “Learn Something New” weekend tradition, like how to grow an herb garden, how to do a cartwheel, how to play a few chords on a guitar, or how to juggle • dinner-time conversation starters like word of the day, highs and lows, or saying what each member of the family is thankful for

The time you invest in the people you love will always add up to something that matters.

There will come a day when she no longer says, “Watch me, Mama!” So I will observe and encourage while I still can.

What was the point in having a long list of superficial things accomplished if I missed my children’s precious smiles and tender words in the process?

If not today, then when?

In what ways does your daily pace interfere with your ability to sit, relax, and be available to the ones you love?

Every second that you spend on doubting your worth, every moment that you use to criticize yourself; is a second of your life wasted, is a moment of your life thrown away. It’s not like you have forever, so don’t waste any of your seconds, don’t throw even one of your moments away. C. JoyBell C.

What if you decided to stop measuring yourself? What if you just accepted yourself in all your imperfect glory, knowing that you’ll keep growing, but you’ll also wake up irritable some mornings, and forget something important at least once a week, and say exactly the wrong thing on a fairly regular basis? What if you decided that your kids are okay precisely as they are, without you needing to perfect their table manners, make sure their clothes match, or insist they clean their rooms? What if you allowed yourself to just love your kids, your life, and yourself completely — messy imperfection and all?*

Do you pressure your children to look or perform a certain way? What might happen if you adopt the role of Loving Encourager and accept them “as is”? Would you be willing to try it for a month and see what happens?

In those moments when I am about to yell or explode, I remain silent just long enough for the angry words to dissipate.

When the collisions of life are upon me, I look at my children’s faces and remember that what I say and do in that moment might very well be with them forever.

This week, avoid causing damaging moments of impact with the people you love by pausing for a few moments and offering yourself grace. When dinner burns . . . when the jeans won’t quite button . . . when you forget something important and feel like you’ve let others down, give yourself a moment. Remind yourself you are human and doing the best you can.

Maybe it’s time I acknowledge that I am a good mother, and, despite the fact that for two years I lost my way, I never stopped loving them.

Earth’s Kids www.earthskids.com is a great resource that provides the information, links, and the tools to help kids make a difference in their community and the world.

Having a Hands Free mentality means you make choices that bring you closer to the people you love, rather than separate or strain your relationships. If

“Right now, I see an opportunity to connect with my loved one, and that is the most important thing I can do right now.”

Place your phone in a drawer, on a shelf, or in the closet. • Have your child create a phone sleeve or wrapper with paper and crayons to house your phone. • Leave the phone in the car when you get home.

I wanted to pull the covers over my head and feign sleep. But instead I got up and made toaster waffles that she said tasted “divine.” She kissed me with syrupy sweet lips. Getting up wasn’t my first response. But I did it. Today I lived.

This includes small amounts of time: Do I quickly tuck my child into bed or spend ten minutes talking to her about her day? And this includes mere seconds of time: Do I look up from my phone to greet my loved one or do I continue typing a text message? The choices I make matter. The choices I make are critical. The choices I make mean everything. Because it is in the moments that I choose what matters over distraction that I make lasting connections and create priceless memories with the people I love.