Relentless: From Good to Great to Unstoppable (Tim Grover Winning Series)

by Tim S. Grover

Stop waiting to be taught something you already know.

But learn about yourself, and then trust what you know so you can build on what you already have.

Lots of people start things; few are able to finish. Why? They don’t trust themselves to get to the end. They start thinking about everything that could go wrong, second-guessing their choices, listening to others instead of listening to themselves. Anyone can have a great idea . . . it’s what you do with the thought that defines you. In a Cooler, an idea will travel from his brain to his mouth—he has to talk about it, discuss it, share it with others for feedback and approval. In a Closer, it travels farther down toward his gut, but instead is diverted toward his heart, where it becomes slowed down by emotion and more thought. In a Cleaner, though, a thought moves straight to the gut, where instinct takes over and puts it into immediate action.

Instinct is what tells you how to finish the fight. When you’re listening to a mess of external directions, you’re going to end up trying a million little things, without complete confidence that any of them will work. But when you’re trusting yourself, you have the focus and efficiency to pinpoint the one big move that will do the job. Think about a boxer, who can go around and around in the ring, ready for anything, until suddenly he seizes the moment he’s been waiting for. No wasted motion, no panic, no room for error. He’s played the moment in his mind so many times, he’s so prepared, he doesn’t have to think about it. He knows exactly what to do. That’s instinct.

Fact: I’ve known a lot of very successful, highly driven individuals, and without exception every single one has a dark side. Their dominance and ability to go off the charts are all driven by something deep and intense; it fuels and sustains them. The fire to prove greatness, sexual energy, insecurity . . . it’s something different in every person, but it’s all about going to that side of yourself that no one else can see.

Because when you’re used to winning, you want to keep on winning at everything. That relentless drive to control the uncontrollable, to conquer everything in your path . . . that’s the dark side driving you to be who you really are. No challenge too great, too intimidating, too dangerous, because you have zero fear of failing. Zero. The satisfaction doesn’t come from the risk, it comes from mastering it. I own this.

You get there by taking huge risks that others won’t take, because you rely on your instincts to know which risks aren’t risks at all.

A Cleaner controls his urges, not the other way around.

You can feel your desires and act on them, or not act on them; your self-control is what distinguishes you from everyone else. You can walk away or hold back whenever you choose.

They’re not necessarily killing with guns, they’re killing with skill and craft and mental weaponry. They’re all brilliant at what they do. And they all share the same objective: Attack, control, win. Anything to get the end result. And then they do it all again. And again.

Cleaner Law: control your dark side, don’t let it control you. Do you want to smoke or do you have to smoke? All that nightlife—do you know when it’s time to head home, or is it crushing your game?

But the bottom line is that he doesn’t give a damn what you think about him or his dark side or anything else, because the only pressure he feels is whatever he puts on himself, and as you’ll see, he can’t ever get enough of it.

“clutch gene.”

There’s your predatory instinct that tells you to attack and finish the fight, and there’s the readiness to know how and when to do that.

Preparation + opportunity. That’s it.

For Cleaners, every moment is a pressure situation, and everything is always on the line.

Cleaners crave that height, along with the pressure of staying up there and going higher and higher. As soon as they start relaxing for just a moment, they instantly feel as if they’re slacking.

That’s a Closer, thinking about it, allowing it to become a distraction, feeling the pressure to prove something. A Cleaner doesn’t respond to external pressure, he puts the pressure back on the guy trying to get under his skin by refusing to acknowledge him.

It’s not easy to leave the shade; it’s cool and comfortable, compared to the hot discomfort of the sun. But you can’t be relentless if you can’t take discomfort, and you can’t be unstoppable if you only deal with pressure when you have no choice.

Not everyone gets the opportunity to be stressed by the potential to achieve exceptional things.

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“You had a great season? So what? Those other guys had great seasons, they’re still playing, and you’re not. It’s not enough to get to the top. You have to stay there. Feel that pressure, and fight to stay there.

Cleaners never feel external pressure; they only believe what’s inside them. You can criticize, analyze, demonize a Cleaner, but he’s still only going to feel pressure from within. He knows what he’s doing right, and what he’s doing wrong. He does not care what you think. He steps out of his comfort zone and challenges himself to get to the next level.

But there’s a difference between confidence and cockiness: confidence means recognizing something isn’t working and having the flexibility and knowledge to make adjustments; cockiness is the inability to admit when something isn’t working, and repeating the same mistakes over and over because you stubbornly can’t admit you’re wrong.

when I see a challenge that everyone else has failed to own, I’m going to own it.

A Cooler takes no risks. A Closer takes risks when he can prepare in advance and knows the consequences of failing are minimal. Nothing feels risky to a Cleaner; whatever happens, he’ll know what to do.

If you’re a Cleaner, you know that feeling, and you’ve likely been in that kind of situation when everyone else is freaking out and you just know what to do. You don’t even know how you know, you just know. I’m not talking about “winging it” or making it up as you go. I’m talking about being so prepared, with so many options and so much experience, that you’re truly ready for anything.

That’s the trademark of a dangerous competitor: he doesn’t have to know what’s coming because whatever you show him, he’s ready. No fear of failure.

I’m not saying you can’t think about what you have to do, but do your thinking and planning in advance, building your reflexes, so you know when your back is against the wall, you’ve got the right move.

You have to be willing to fail if you’re going to trust yourself to act from the gut, and then adapt as you go. That’s the confidence or swagger that allows you to take risks and know that whatever happens, you’ll figure it out. Adapt, and adapt again.

Being relentless means having the courage to say, “I’m going for this, and if I’m wrong, I’ll make a change and I’ll still be fine.”

Have the confidence to trust that you can handle anything.

When you’re confident, you don’t care about what others think; you can take your mistakes seriously but still laugh because you know you can and will do better. Cleaners always have the confidence to know they’ll get it right. Accept the consequences and move on.

If you did it, own it. If you said it, stand by it. Not just the mistakes, but all your decisions and choices. That’s your reputation. Make it count. If you want your opinions to have value, you have to be willing to put them out there and mean what you say.

When you’re a Cleaner, there’s no such thing as a meaningless game. Doesn’t matter if it’s the first preseason event or a midseason All-Star Game or the last game in a losing season, a Cleaner shows up to play.

But believe this: When you get two relentless individuals going against each other, that situation can play out for years. They can still be cool with each other, hang out, get along . . . but the Cleaner inside never forgives and never, ever, forgets.

These types of friends (for lack of a better word) are fucking exhausting though. Just keep it professional, I guess.