The Practicing Mind: Developing Focus and Discipline in Your Life Master Any Skill or Challenge by Learning to Love the Process

by Thomas M. Sterner

I confess that teaching my daughters about reasons to practice is a learning process that I am far from completing. None of us learn anything except through our own direct experiences. Because of this, I try to teach in two ways. First, I remind my daughters of their past. They might not know where they are going, but they do know where they have been. I can talk about an event that was either a problem or a triumph in their lives and help them to understand which qualities they brought into that event that made it seem so. This helps them to shift into an alignment with the Observer within themselves. Second, I remember that they are most receptive to this conversation when they are not overwhelmed by the emotions that were present during the particular incident. I might talk with them when we’re alone in the car and their thought processes won’t be interrupted by outside distractions such as the TV or the telephone. I start the conversation with something like, “Hey, remember last week when you got upset about what happened at school?” I might ask them how they feel about it now. This gives me a chance to make them aware of how their emotions affect their perceptions of events. By delaying the discussion of an incident for several days or even a week after it happened, I give them a chance to settle into a more detached perspective, and I give myself a chance to decide how to best manage the discussion.