The Practicing Mind: Developing Focus and Discipline in Your Life Master Any Skill or Challenge by Learning to Love the Process

by Thomas M. Sterner

I let go of any expectations about how long it would take me to acquire a good golf swing because I was enjoying what I was doing right now: learning a good golf swing.

We have a very unhealthy habit of making the product — our intended result — the goal, instead of the process of reaching that goal.

When we practice something, we are involved in the deliberate repetition of a process with the intention of reaching a specific goal.

When you focus on the process, the desired product takes care of itself with fluid ease. When you focus on the product, you immediately begin to fight yourself and experience boredom, restlessness, frustration, and impatience with the process.

This mentality pushes us harder and harder, with no end in sight. By not staying in the process, our minds dash all over the place all day long, the horses running free with no one at the reins. We think too many thoughts at once, most of them the same thoughts we had yesterday and the day before. We are impatient with life, and anxious.

The problem with patience and discipline is that developing each of them requires both of them.

happiness. If these images are used for inspiration, they can be very beneficial; but if they are used as a measuring device, they can become our downfall.

We make a major detour on the road to happiness when we adopt an image of perfection in anything.

When we are driving somewhere, we can’t wait to get there.

As soon as we become aware of how well we are concentrating on something, we are no longer concentrating on it. We are now concentrating on the fact that we were concentrating on the activity.

If you imagine yourself in a situation such as this, you will see that, during a present-moment experience, you cannot be aware of anything other than the experience itself. This is why we cannot observe ourselves when we are practicing a process-oriented mentality.

Remember also that if you start to experience an emotion such as frustration, you have fallen out of the process.

“There is some place other than where I actually am now that I need to be. Only then will I be happy.” This is totally untrue and counterproductive. To the contrary, you are exactly where you should be right now.

There is certainly no anxiety linked to being in a patient state.

Experiencing impatience is one of the first symptoms of not being in the present moment, not doing what you are doing, and not staying process-oriented.

There is no goal to reach other than pursuing the activity.

There was a sense of freedom in knowing that I would never run out of room to grow. There was peace in knowing the race was over.

Progress is a natural result of staying focused on the process of doing anything. When you stay on purpose, focused in the present moment, the goal comes toward you with frictionless ease. However, when you constantly focus on the goal you are aiming for, you push it away instead of pulling it toward you. In every moment that you look at the goal and compare your position to it, you affirm to yourself that you haven’t reached it. In reality, you need to acknowledge the goal to yourself only occasionally, using it as a rudder to keep you moving in the right direction.

“Oh, I need to steer a little to the left; that’s better.” If, however, you try to keep your head above the water the whole time, watching the tree and measuring how much closer you are to it after each stroke and kick, you’ll waste enormous amounts of energy. You will become frustrated, exhausted, and impatient.

Cheating discipline doesn’t work.

They make the thing the goal, instead of the process of getting that thing.

Smallness, like the other techniques, applies to daily life in general, not just specific endeavors.

You can survive just about anything for forty-five minutes.

You are practicing the art of perfect garage cleaning.

Into the second piano, I began to realize how wonderful I felt. No nervous stomach, no anticipation of getting through the day, and no tight muscles in my shoulders and neck. Just this relaxed, peaceful, what-a-nice-day-it-is feeling. I would even go so far as to describe it as blissful. Anything you can do in a rushed state is surprisingly easy when you deliberately slow it down. The revelation for me came, however, when I finished the second piano. I very slowly put away my tools one by one, with my attention on every detail. I continued my effort at slowing down as I walked to my truck in a parking garage a block away. I walked very slowly, paying attention to each step. This might sound nuts, but it was an experiment. I was experiencing such an incredible feeling of peacefulness in a situation that usually tensed every muscle in my body that I wanted to see just how far I could push the feeling. When I got into the truck, its clock radio came on with the turn of my key, and I was dumbfounded. So little time had passed compared to what I had usually spent on the same job in the past that I was sure the clock was incorrect.

When you work slowly, things become simpler. If you want to simplify something, break it down into small parts and work more slowly at each part. Since all four components take effort to develop and maintain, you will have greater success if you break down the time that you apply to working on them into short intervals.

When you are aligned with your true self, you are immune to other people’s behaviors. When you feel that someone is acting inappropriately toward you, that feeling comes from a judgment of the ego.

From the perspective of the Observer, you find yourself just watching that person’s ego rant and rave while you listen quietly and unaffected.

This alignment assures an objective, no-expectations point of view. This contradicts the ego-driven mentality that one must “be the best,” and the thoughts that “nobody cares who comes in second,” and “I want it all.”

I once read an interview with a coach for the U.S. Olympic archery team. He commented that the biggest problem he faced in coaching the American team was that they were fixated on their scores, or the result of their shots. It was as if they were drawing the bow and releasing the arrow only to hit the bull’s-eye and earn a good score. This was in contrast to the Asian teams, who, having grown up in different cultures, were consumed in the process of properly executing the technique that led up to releasing the shot. Where the arrow hit the target was almost unimportant compared to the motion of drawing the bow correctly and releasing the shot. They viewed the result with an almost detached indifference. For them, the desired goal was a natural result of prioritizing the proper technique of drawing the bow.

Are you heading toward your goal? No? Then jump immediately to correct, and skip the judgment because it has no value in your effort.

These moments offer a perfect opportunity to both teach and learn from your children. Listen to what they are noticing about how they are living their lives. As you talk to them about real priorities, good perspective, and engaging their practicing minds, you are also reviewing lessons for yourself. Are you following the same advice you are giving to them? Are you teaching them that you hold the same priorities for yourself? On more than one occasion when I have been overworked, I have talked to my daughters about the importance of balance in life and how at times priorities need to be readjusted to maintain that balance.