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One thing that really struck me about Ken and Floy’s character during these years was how unselfish they were. I observed that they fed and housed and counseled countless people from all walks of life. I saw how wide the door to their home and the door to their heart opened. I remember feeling like I could talk to them about anything. Ken stressed that he accepted me as a lesbian but that he didn’t approve of me as a lesbian. He held that line firmly and I appreciated that. I had a whole university of approving people so I didn’t feel that I needed his, too.
I had to lean and lean hard on the full weight of scripture, on the fullness of the word of God, and I’m grateful that when I heard the Lord’s call on my life, and I wanted to hedge my bets, keep my girlfriend and add a little God to my life, I had a pastor and friends in the Lord who asked nothing less of me than that I die to myself.
How did the Lord heal me? The way that he always heals: the word of God got to be bigger inside me than I.
When you die to yourself, you have nothing from your past to use as clay out of which to shape your future.
I also started to notice something else about my life: I wasn’t plagued with anxiety or nightmares anymore. The intestinal distress that had been my daily companion was no longer a part of my life (and I hadn’t taken a Tums in months). I changed my exercise routine from intense running to active walking. I cleaned my house and my office the way God was cleaning my soul: I pitched things that weren’t honoring to God. I got rid of whole libraries of books, CDs, movies, pictures. I unsubscribed to magazines and professional journals. I suddenly had time in my life to reflect. I took up gardening.
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