The No Complaining Rule: Positive Ways to Deal with Negativity at Work (Jon Gordon)

by Jon Gordon

Do I still complain? You bet I do. Just a whole lot less. Do I still get down? Of course. We all get down, but the key is how we turn it around.

the goal of this book is not to eliminate all complaining, just mindless, chronic complaining. And the bigger goal is to turn justified complaints into positive solutions. After all, every complaint represents an opportunity to turn something negative into a positive.

two main reasons why people complained: (1) because they were fearful and helpless and (2) because it had become a habit.

great football coach Lou Holtz said, ‘Don’t complain. Eighty percent of the people you complain to don’t care and 20 percent are glad you have problems.’ ”

Step 1, you do a No Complaining Day. I call it a complaining fast. You quit cold turkey. It’s great because it causes you to monitor your thoughts and realize how negative you really are.

Step 2. When you do complain, because you most certainly will—everyone does—use your complaining to your advantage. You see, every complaint has an opposite. If there is something you don’t like, then there is something you do like. If there is something you are not happy about, then there is something that would make you happy. Complaining can actually be a gift if we use it correctly. If we pay attention to our thoughts, words, and complaints, we will learn a lot about what we don’t want and don’t like. We can then use what we don’t want and don’t like as a catalyst to help us determine what we do want and do like. The fact is, we will never completely eliminate complaining from our life. The key is to turn complaining against itself and make it work for us. Instead of letting it generate negative energy, we can use it for a positive purpose.

Each time we catch ourselves complaining, we can say, ‘Okay, I don’t like this or I’m not happy about this. So then, what do I want? What will make me happy? What thought will bring me peace instead of frustration? What actions can I take to rectify this?’ Let your complaints tell you what you don’t want, so you can focus on what you do want.

1. The But → ___ Positive Technique. This simple strategy helps you turn your complaints into positive thoughts, solutions, and actions. It works like this. When you realize you are complaining, you simply add the word but and then add a positive thought or positive action. Example: • I don’t like driving to work for an hour but I’m thankful I can drive and that I have a job.

2. Focus on “Get To” instead of “Have To.” Too often we complain and focus on what we have to do. We say things like “I have to go to work.” “I have to drive here.” “I have to do this or that.” Instead, shift your perspective and realize it’s not about having to do anything. You get to do things. You get to live this life. You get to go to work while so many are unemployed. You get to drive in traffic while so many don’t even have a car or are too sick to travel.

3. Turn Complaints into Solutions. The goal is not to eliminate all complaining. The intent is to eliminate the kind of mindless complaining that doesn’t serve a greater purpose and allow complaining that is justified and worthwhile. The opposite of mindless complaining is justified complaining. The former is negative and the latter is positive. The difference is intent. With mindless complaining, you are mindlessly focusing on problems; however, with justified complaining you identify a problem and the complaint moves you toward a solution. Every complaint represents an opportunity to turn a negative into a positive.

The measure of our success will not be determined by how we act during the great times in our life but rather by how we think and respond to the challenges of our most difficult moments.

focus on the solution, not the problem, and be the change. Change begins with us.”

Successful, positive companies with positive employees and positive cultures are created like anything else. Through a set of principles, processes, systems, and habits that are ingrained in the corporate culture and each individual employee.

Of course we have to look at numbers. But it shouldn’t be our focus. Because people deliver the numbers, people should be our focus, and if we focus on them they will deliver the numbers we want.”

Of course the goal of all successful people and teams is to win. But winning is just a goal and not the focus. Winning is the by-product of great effort, leadership, coaching, teamwork, and positive energy.

There is research by Barbara Fredrickson from the University of Michigan that shows if a work group in a company experiences a positive to negative interaction ratio of 13:1, the work group will be less effective. This implies that no one is willing to confront the real problems and challenges that are holding them back. Sometimes we need to confront a situation to move past it and, as we know, ignoring problems that stare us in the face doesn’t work. Negative interactions are necessary as long as they occur much less frequently than positive interactions.

Employees are not allowed to mindlessly complain to their coworkers. If they have a problem or complaint about their job, their company, their customer, or anything else, they are encouraged to bring the issue to their manager or someone who is in a position to address the complaint. However, the employees must share one or two possible solutions to their complaint as well.

never complain to someone who is not able to help with a solution. Mindless complaining serves no purpose and only sabotages morale and performance.

by encouraging their employees to think of possible solutions to their complaints, employers are empowered to become problem solvers rather than problem sharers.

trust is a significant component of the No Complaining Rule. Leaders and managers must foster the trust of their employees so that employees feel comfortable sharing their complaints and ideas with them.

Five Things to Do Instead of Complain 1. Practice Gratitude. Research shows that when we count three blessings a day, we get a measurable boost in happiness that uplifts and energizes us.

2. Praise Others. Instead of complaining about what others are doing wrong, start focusing on what they are doing right. Praise them and watch as they create more success as a result. Of course, point out their mistakes so they can learn and grow, but make sure you give three times as much praise as criticism.

3. Focus on Success. Start a success journal. Each night before you go to bed, write down the one great thing about your day. The one great conversation, accomplishment, or win that you are most proud of. Focus on your success, and you’ll look forward to creating more success tomorrow.

4. Let Go. Focus on the things that you have the power to change, and let go of the things th...

5. Pray and Meditate. Scientific research shows that these daily practices reduce stress;

your people need to know that their complaints and solutions will be heard and considered. Their solutions don’t necessarily have to be acted upon, but they will want to know that their ideas were considered.

No Complaining Week Personal Action Plan The goal of a No Complaining Week is to become aware of how negative our thoughts and words can be. The objec tive is to eliminate mindless complaining and negative thoughts as much as possible by replacing them with positive thoughts and positive habits. Day 1: Monitor Your Thoughts and Words Spend today monitoring your thoughts and words. You’ll be amazed at the thoughts that pop into your head and come out of your mouth. The key is to become more conscious of what you think and say. Day 2: Make a Gratitude List When you wake up in the morning, write a list of the things you are thankful for. When you find yourself wanting to complain, focus on what you are grateful for instead. Day 3: Take a Thank-You Walk When you wake up in the morning, take a thank-you walk. While you’re walking, think of all the things you are grateful for. Try to remember this state of gratitude and carry it with you throughout the day. Day 4: Focus on the Good Stuff Today, focus on everything that is right, rather than wrong. Focus on what is right with your life, rather than wrong. Focus on what others are doing right, rather than wrong. Praise instead of criticize. Focus on what you get to do versus what you have to do. Day 5: Start a Success Journal Today, write down all the great interactions and accomplishments you have had today. Do this throughout the day and before you go to bed. Day 6: Let Go Make a list of the things you would like to complain abo...

Are You a Complainer? Assessment Below are five statements that you may agree or disagree with. Read each one and then select the response that best describes how strongly you agree or disagree. 1. I usually share my problems with others. 7. Strongly Agree 6. Agree 5. Slightly Agree 4. Neither Agree nor Disagree 3. Slightly Disagree 2. Disagree 1. Strongly Disagree 2. I regularly express my negative feelings to others. 7. Strongly Agree 6. Agree 5. Slightly Agree 4. Neither Agree nor Disagree 3. Slightly Disagree 2. Disagree 1. Strongly Disagree 3. I focus more on the causes of problems than on their solutions. 7. Strongly Agree 6. Agree 5. Slightly Agree 4. Neither Agree nor Disagree 3. Slightly Disagree 2. Disagree 1. Strongly Disagree 4. If my life was made into a movie, I would characterize it as a drama instead of a love story, comedy, or inspirational tale. 7. Strongly Agree 6. Agree 5. Slightly Agree 4. Neither Agree nor Disagree 3. Slightly Disagree 2. Disagree 1. Strongly Disagree 5. I complain a lot. 7. Strongly Agree 6. Agree 5. Slightly Agree 4. Neither Agree nor Disagree 3. Slightly Disagree 2. Disagree 1. Strongly Disagree Now, tally your score by adding the numbers that correspond to each answer. For example, if you answered “Strongly Agree” for all five questions your total would be 7 + 7 + 7 + 7 + 7 = 35. 35-30: You are a major complainer. Complaining has become a habit for you and it’s time to do a No Complaining Fast and action plan. 29-24: You are a com...