Sometimes You Win--Sometimes You Learn: Life's Greatest Lessons Are Gained from Our Losses

by John C. Maxwell

None of us does life so well that we are far away from doing something dumb. And what it has taken a lifetime to build has the potential to be lost in a moment. My hope was that a lifetime of striving to live with integrity would outweigh an act of stupidity.

When we win, nothing hurts; when we lose, everything hurts. And the only time you hear someone use the phrase “It’s only a game” is when that person is losing.

Anxiety and fear are debilitating emotions for the human heart. So are losses. They can weaken, imprison, paralyze, dishearten, and sicken us. To be successful, we need to find ways to get unstuck emotionally.

The quality that distinguishes a successful person from an unsuccessful one who is otherwise like him is the capacity to manage disappointment and loss.

William A. Ward said, “Man, like a bridge, was designed to carry the load for a moment, not the combined weight of a year all at once.”

That inclination to move from knowing to acting often brings success.

The most important person you ever talk to is yourself, so be careful what you say. The most important person that you will evaluate is yourself, so be careful what you think. The most important person you will love is yourself, so be careful what you do.

The number or severity of your losses isn’t as important as how you experience those losses.

A loss isn’t totally a loss if you learn something as a result of it.

Humility: The Spirit of Learning Reality: The Foundation of Learning Responsibility: The First Step of Learning Improvement: The Focus of Learning Hope: The Motivation of Learning Teachability: The Pathway of Learning Adversity: The Catalyst for Learning Problems: Opportunities for Learning Bad Experiences: The Perspective for Learning Change: The Price of Learning Maturity: The Value of Learning

Those who profit from adversity possess a spirit of humility and are therefore inclined to make the necessary changes needed to learn from their mistakes, failures, and losses.

“Pride is concerned about who’s right. Humility is concerned about what’s right.”

You can change. Remember, it’s the finish, not the start, that counts the most in life.

Ken Blanchard says, “Humility does not mean you think less of yourself. It means you think of yourself less.”

“Always acknowledge a fault frankly. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.”

Novelist J. M. Barrie observed, “The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story and writes another; and his humblest hour is when he compares the volume as it is with what he vowed to make it.”

the people who succeed in life don’t try to escape pain, loss, or unfairness. They just learn to face those things, accept them, and move ahead in the face of them. That’s my goal.

It never bothers me for people to make a mistake if they had a reason for what they did. If they can tell me, “I thought this and reasoned so, and came to that decision,” if they obviously went through a reasonable thought process to get where they did, even if it didn’t turn out right, that’s OK. The ones you want to watch out for are those who can’t even tell you why they did what they did.

Wishing isn’t solving. Denying a problem only makes it worse. So does getting angry and yelling,

It is impossible to go from excuses to success.

Losses are inevitable, but excuses are optional.

Failure isn’t the best teacher. Neither is experience. Only evaluated experience teaches us. That’s where the profit lies in any experience we have.

The life we have is the only life we get here on earth, and it’s not a dress rehearsal. Every minute we waste is gone forever. We can either choose to take responsibility for what we do with it, or make excuses.

The Stone Age didn’t end because people ran out of stones. It ended because people kept learning and improving.

Success does not always bring growth, but personal growth will always add to our success.

Economists at UC Berkeley recently calculated that in the year 2000, the total amount of information produced worldwide was the equivalent of 37,000 times as much information as the entire holdings in the Library of Congress.

If we’re not failing or making mistakes, it means we’re playing it too safe.

“If you study a subject every day for one hour a day, five days a week, in five years you will become an expert in that area.”

• What did I learn today? What spoke both to my heart and my head? • How did I grow today? What touched my heart and affected my actions? • What will I do differently? Unless I can state specifically what I plan to do differently, I won’t learn anything.

up to 85 percent of success in life is due to attitude, while only 15 percent is due to ability.3

1. Everyone has something to teach me. 2. Every day I have something to learn. 3. Every time I learn something, I benefit.

When you are influential and highly respected, people tend to tell you what you want to hear, not what you need to hear. They are seeking your approval, or they flatter you. Unfortunately, that creates a gap between what you hear and reality.

“I don’t trust anyone with power that can’t be checked,” I answered. “Especially me.”

Ignorance means we didn’t have the necessary information; stupidity means we had the necessary information but misused it.

Most of the time we don’t choose our adversity, but all the time we can choose our response to it.

trying times are not the time to stop trying.

Adversity is everyone’s, but the story you write with your life is yours alone.

“Life is a series of problems. Do we want to moan about them or solve them?”

Some people experience one problem three or more times. They experience it the first time when they worry about the problem. They experience it the second time when it actually occurs. And they live it again as they keep reliving it!

Lou Holtz quipped, “Don’t tell your problems to people! Eighty percent don’t care and the other 20 percent are glad you have them.”

Ninety percent of those who fail are not actually defeated; they simply quit.

Poet and philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson had an insightful take on this. He asserted, “For every thing we gain we lose something.”

Change allows you to examine your assumptions, rethink your strategies, and build your relationships. Without change there is no innovation, creativity, or improvement. If you are willing and able to initiate change, you will have a better opportunity to manage the change that is inevitable to everyone in life.

“You can play now and pay later, or you can pay now and play later. But make no mistake: you will pay. And the longer you wait, the more you will pay, because delayed payment demands interest.”

In my experience, people change when: • They hurt enough that they have to • They learn enough that they want to • They receive enough that they are able to

Herbert V. Prochnow asserted, “The fellow who never makes a mistake takes his orders from one who does.”

“Maturity is doing what you are supposed to be doing, when you’re supposed to be doing it, no matter how you feel.”

“When you win an award, set it up in the lobby and go back to work.”

It’s a good idea to build off of yesterday; it’s a bad idea to live off of it.

“A strange species we are. We can stand anything God and nature throw at us save only plenty. If I wanted to destroy a nation, I would give it too much, and I would have it on its knees: miserable, greedy, and sick.”