Captivating Revised and Updated: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul

by John Eldredge

we have missed the treasure that is the heart of a woman, missed the richness femininity was meant to bring to our lives, missed the way it speaks to us of the heart of God.

Women love adventures of all sorts. Whether it be the adventure of horses (most girls go through a horse stage) or white-water rafting, going to a foreign country, performing onstage, having children, starting a business, or diving ever more deeply into the heart of God, we were made to be a part of a great adventure. An adventure that is shared. We do not want the adventure merely for adventure’s sake but for what it requires of us for others. We don’t want to be alone in it; we want to be in it with others.

Not only does God long for us, but he longs to be loved by us.

Christianity changes dramatically when we discover that it, too, is a great romance.

The word ezer is used only twenty other places in the entire Old Testament. And in every other instance the person being described is God himself, when you need him to come through for you desperately.

That longing in the heart of a woman to share life together as a great adventure—that comes straight from the heart of God, who also longs for this. He does not want to be an option in our lives. He does not want to be an appendage, a tagalong.

beauty is in and of itself a great and glorious good, something we need in large and daily doses (for our God has seen fit to arrange for this). Nature at the height of its glory shouts, Beauty is Essential! revealing that Beauty is the essence of God. The whole world is full of his glory.

men look ridiculous lying on a bed buck naked, half-covered with a sheet. It doesn’t fit the essence of masculinity. Something in you wants to say, “Get up already and get a job. Cut the grass. Get to work.” For Adam is captured best in motion, doing something. His essence is strength in action.

remember what it’s like to come into a beautiful place, a garden or a meadow or a quiet beach. There is room for your soul. It expands. You can breathe again. You can rest. It is good. All is well. I sit outside on a summer evening and just listen and behold and drink it all in, and my heart begins to quiet and peace begins to come into my soul.

Beauty draws us to God.

A woman knows, down in her soul, that she longs to bring beauty to the world. She might be mistaken on how (something every woman struggles with), but she longs for a beauty to unveil. This is not just culture, or the need to “get a man.” This is in her heart, part of her design.

One of the deepest ways a woman bears the image of God is in her mystery. By “mystery” we don’t mean “forever beyond your knowing,” but “something to be explored.”

Just like God, a woman is not a problem to be solved, but a vast wonder to be enjoyed.

Their friendships, their families, their best friends all seem to have come down with a sort of virus that makes them fundamentally unavailable, leaving a woman lonely at the end of the day.

We struggle to know if we matter at all.

When it comes to the issues surrounding beauty, we vacillate between striving and resignation.

To hide means to remain safe, to hurt less. At least that is what we think. And so by hiding, we take matters into our own hands. We don’t return to our God with our broken and desperate hearts.

Where do you go instead of to God when the ache of your heart begins to make itself known? Spending too much money, gambling, bingeing, purging, shopping, drinking, working, cleaning, exercising, too many movies, sitcoms, talk shows, even our negative emotions can become indulgences. When we camp our hearts in self-doubt, condemning thoughts, or even shame because those emotions have become familiar and comfortable, we are faithlessly indulging rather than allowing our deep ache to draw us to God.

Left alone to die a death of the heart. That is a woman’s worst fear—abandonment. (Isn’t it?)

Shame is what makes us look away, so we avoid eye contact with strangers and friends.

few of us believe we are beautiful, and fewer still are comfortable with it.

Much of what we call our “personalities” is actually the mosaic of our choices for self-protection plus our plan to get something of the love we were created for.

Every song you love, every memory you cherish, every moment that has moved you to holy tears has been given to you from the One who has been pursuing you from your first breath in order to win your heart. God’s version of flowers and chocolates and candlelight dinners comes in the form of sunsets and falling stars, moonlight on lakes and cricket symphonies; warm wind, swaying trees, lush gardens, and fierce devotion. This romancing is immensely personal. It will be as if it has been scripted for your heart. He knows what takes your breath away, knows what makes your heart beat faster. We have missed many of his notes simply because we shut our hearts down in order to endure the pain of life. Now, in our healing journey as women, we must open our hearts again, and keep them open. Not foolishly, not to anyone and anything. But yes, we must choose to open our hearts again so that we might hear his whispers, receive his kisses.

He is not interested in intimacy with the woman you think you are supposed to be. He wants intimacy with the real you.

Worship is what we give our hearts away to in return for a promise of Life.

It is from hearts filled with love for him that all good works and acts of love flow.

To have a gentle and quiet spirit is to have a heart of faith, a heart that trusts in God, a spirit that has been quieted by his love and filled with his peace. Not a heart that is striving and restless.

A woman of true beauty offers others the grace to be and the room to become.

A woman who is full of tender mercy and soft vulnerability is a powerful, lovely woman.

True femininity arouses true masculinity. Think about it—all those heroes in all those tales play the hero because there is a woman in his life, a true Beauty who is his inspiration. It’s that simple and that profound. True femininity calls forth true masculinity. We awaken it, arouse it in a way that nothing else on earth even comes close to.

An arousing woman is one who calls forth the best in a man by offering who she is as a woman—someone who offers her beauty, her true heart, as we described in the last chapter.

That is what a man needs to hear from his woman more than anything else. I need you. I need your strength. I believe in you. You have what it takes.

Much of what he allows in your life is not for you to simply accept, but to get you to rise up!