Discernment: Reading the Signs of Daily Life

by Henri J.M. Nouwen

In Henri’s view, discernment should proceed from a person’s grounded, ordinary life. He did not want people to think that our goal is to escape from our everyday stresses and conflicts. Instead, we should invite the Holy Spirit into our direct experience, into our thoughts, memories, worries, and plans. Instead of seeking a life free from pain and suffering, we should trust that Jesus is present in our pain and suffering. We need to acknowledge our suffering honestly—our loneliness, regrets, sadness, hopelessness, and anger—and then open our hearts to the one who loves us in every detail of our lives. In this way, as Henri often said, our sorrow can turn to joy, our hostility to hospitality, and our loneliness to a solitude pregnant with possibilities. If we experience grief at the loss of a loved one, we should not simply tough it out or forcibly turn our attention to more pleasant things; rather we should let Jesus bear the loss with us. After all, as Henri would say, Jesus lost your loved one, too.