At first, I thought that everybody, all the adults, were in on it and knew what it was, and I just didn’t get it because I was a small child; and that as I grew I would begin to fathom it and grow into this certain knowledge, maybe be “initiated” into it when I reached a certain age. But of course as I grew, the world and the many human explanations for it that I encountered seemed to make less and LESS sense, and I began to have the horrifying suspicion that despite my expectations, maybe all these “adults” didn’t have any more of a clue than I did as to what was “going on”, maybe even LESS
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