Lying

by Sam Harris

disclaimers—“I see that you are looking at my face: Please be aware that I do not look this good first thing in the morning . . .”

The boundary between lying and deception is often vague.

To lie is to intentionally mislead others when they expect honest communication.2

People lie so that others will form beliefs that are not true. The more consequential the beliefs—that is, the more a person’s well-being demands a correct understanding of the world or of other people’s opinions—the more consequential the lie.

People tell lies for many reasons. They lie to avoid embarrassment, to exaggerate their accomplishments, and to disguise wrongdoing. They make promises they do not intend to keep. They conceal defects in their products or services. They mislead competitors to gain advantage. Many of us lie to our friends and family members to spare their feelings.

But it is in believing one thing while intending to communicate another that every lie is born.

The moment we consider our dishonesty from the perspective of those we lie to, we recognize that we would feel betrayed if the roles were reversed.

This may seem the most trivial of lies—and it was—but it surely did nothing to increase the level of trust between two friends.

Honesty is a gift we can give to others. It is also a source of power and an engine of simplicity. Knowing that we will attempt to tell the truth, whatever the circumstances, leaves us with little to prepare for. Knowing that we told the truth in the past leaves us with nothing to keep track of. We can simply be ourselves in every moment.

You might discover that some of your friendships are not really that—perhaps you habitually lie to avoid making plans, or fail to express your true opinions for fear of conflict.

Telling the truth can also reveal ways in which we want to grow but haven’t.

Ethical transgressions are generally divided into two categories: the bad things we do (acts of commission) and the good things we fail to do (acts of omission).

children do not learn to tell white lies until about the age of four,

False encouragement is a kind of theft:

To lie is to erect a boundary between the truth we are living and the perception others have of us.

Lying is, almost by definition, a refusal to cooperate with others. It condenses a lack of trust and trustworthiness into a single act. It is both a failure of understanding and an unwillingness to be understood. To lie is to recoil from relationship.

“I was raised as a Christian, where the idea of charity is built in, and yet you haven’t mentioned charity at all. So I’m having trouble understanding your ethics.”

You seem to suggest that giving false praise or telling “white” lies is akin to treating another person like a child. This leads me to wonder whether you think it’s morally acceptable to lie to children.

If you deceive your children about Santa, you may give them a more thrilling experience of Christmas. What you probably won’t give them, however, is the sense that you would not and could not lie to them about anything else. 3. The chapter in which you