Lying

by Sam Harris

We often behave in ways that are guaranteed to make us unhappy.

To lie is to intentionally mislead others when they expect honest communication.

People lie so that others will form beliefs that are not true. The more consequential the beliefs—that is, the more a person’s well-being demands a correct understanding of the world or of other people’s opinions—the more consequential the lie.

The intent to communicate honestly is the measure of truthfulness.

But it is in believing one thing while intending to communicate another that every lie is born.

The moment we consider our dishonesty from the perspective of those we lie to, we recognize that we would feel betrayed if the roles were reversed.

Honesty is a gift we can give to others. It is also a source of power and an engine of simplicity. Knowing that we will attempt to tell the truth, whatever the circumstances, leaves us with little to prepare for. Knowing that we told the truth in the past leaves us with nothing to keep track of. We can simply be ourselves in every moment.

In many circumstances in life, false encouragement can be very costly to another person.

False encouragement is a kind of theft: It steals time, energy, and motivation that a person could put toward some other purpose.

To lie is to erect a boundary between the truth we are living and the perception others have of us.

Vulnerability comes in pretending to be someone you are not.

Lying is, almost by definition, a refusal to cooperate with others. It condenses a lack of trust and trustworthiness into a single act. It is both a failure of understanding and an unwillingness to be understood. To lie is to recoil from relationship.

Lies are the social equivalent of toxic waste: Everyone is potentially harmed by their spread.