The Chimp Paradox: The Acclaimed Mind Management Programme to Help You Achieve Success, Confidence and Happiness

by Steve Peters

The very simple question, therefore, is to begin with ‘Do I want…’ and then finish the sentence. For example: ‘Do I want these feelings?’ or ‘Do I want these thoughts?’ or ‘Do I want to be behaving this way?’ If the answer is ‘no’ then you are in Chimp mode and if the answer is ‘yes’ then you are in Human mode.

Chimps like to have praise and recognition from the alpha Chimp (i.e., people they see as important). The Chimp isn’t wrong in wanting this, so although you as a Human do not need praise and recognition from others, your Chimp probably does, so do not let it down. In order to look after your Chimp you really should seek out praise from those whose opinion you respect or think is important.

If your Chimp is agitated or upset about something, the first thing it has to do is to release this emotion or opinion.

Boxing the Chimp is therefore telling it truths that it will accept in order to calm it down.

The Fridge Door Syndrome depicts the most common example of a Goblin and this one affects most people in the Western world.

The mathematical challenge

First impressions are known as the primacy effect.

Humans look for evidence and then draw up conclusions. Chimps draw up conclusions then look for evidence

I am assuming that your Human is wanting to understand them in order to have a better relationship with them, which means that you are going to be tolerant and probably compromise, to some extent, some of your own requirements or demands of them. Read that bit again!

This next point is a very important one. If you want to build bridges with someone then it is you that has to build the bridge. Don’t expect them to build it with you, because if you approach someone with that attitude it is very likely to fail. This is your choice and your decision. Think about what I am saying. If you enter a relationship with demands or expectations that the other person should do something towards this relationship then you are likely to have a stormy passage. It would seem reasonable to expect a two-way relationship, but don’t bank on it.

Successful people don’t make demands of others but set the scene so that the Human in others can respond, rather than their Chimp

If you want a painting then search for an artist

the simple rules of how to be assertive?

The three parts to assertiveness

Make no mistake, an attack by words from one person to another is exactly the same as an attack from one chimpanzee to another, using teeth and fists, and the damage can be equally as savage.

Beware of the goslings in life!

If you always wish to measure success in life by what level you attain, then you must accept the emotional consequences when you do not reach this level. If you measure success in life by effort and doing your best, then it is always in your hands to succeed and to be proud of yourself. You can then deal with any disappointing level of attainment as an adult Human.

Key Point When you decide to do something, remind yourself that it is commitment not motivation that matters.

The Commitment Screen explained

The million-pound question

If you were given a million pounds to do the task before the end of the day could you do it? If the answer is yes, I would definitely have it completed, then this means that it is possible to do it. It means that if you don’t do it by the end of the day, then any reason you offer as to why you didn’t do it is just an excuse for not being disciplined. It would suggest that you are not so serious in wanting to fulfil your dream.

Getting disheartened All of us get disheartened from time to time and want to give up our dreams. When this happens, sometimes, paradoxical psychology works. This is where you basically say the opposite of what you want. So you can say to yourself it is okay to walk away from the dream. You don’t need to fulfil your dream and it is your choice: so off you go. It is surprising how often the Chimp, who is telling us it wants to walk away, suddenly reverses and says it has no intention of giving up and gets back into the dream. The Chimp does this because it recognises that the dream is still alive and it wants it badly, therefore walking away is not something it intends to do. The Chimp just wanted a scream, which is very reasonable for a Chimp. Always remember that it is perfectly normal and acceptable to get things off your chest from time to time. Exercise your Chimp sensibly.

Recognising the stick

If you consider your Chimp as a child that has little staying power, easily gets distracted, is undisciplined, disorganised, and constantly wants instant rewards, then you won’t go far wrong!