The Chimp Paradox: The Acclaimed Mind Management Programme to Help You Achieve Success, Confidence and Happiness

by Steve Peters

Some common symptoms of chronic stress include:

Constantly feeling tired • Short-tempered • Lacking a sense of humour • Anxious or worrying for no apparent reason • Anxious or worrying for trivial reasons • Unable to relax properly • Paranoid ideas • A sense of urgency with everything • Tearful or depressed • Unable to face work or friends • Small tasks seem large • Disrupted sleep patterns

Some common areas to look at for preventing chronic stress are:

Using your time sensibly • Being assertive • Having realistic expectations • Taking responsibility for things you are responsible for and nothing else! • Addressing problems as they occur • Regularly settling your Chimp down by nurturing it • Recognising a potential problem • Recognising your limits • Seeking appropriate help early • Talking out stressful situations with others

If you are stressed then it is useful to write down anything that you can see that is causing or contributing to the stress.

Key Point Write down the problems on paper and don’t try to deal with them inside your head.

As a simple rule of thumb, when you have a problem causing stress, divide up the solution areas into three parts: 1. Your own perceptions and attitudes to the problem 2. The circumstances and setting for the problem 3. Other people involved in the problem

If you are feeling stressed and are not prepared to change your behaviours or beliefs then it is very likely you will continue to be stressed in the future; so you are going to have to accept that you need to change.

Chronic stress arising from self Chronic stress from yourself is usually based on Gremlin activity. These Gremlins are learnt unhelpful behaviours, such as poor coping strategies, or learnt destructive beliefs, such as seeing yourself as less than others. Some problems can be boiled down to very simple observations. Here are some examples:

Some people suffer with the ‘Mushroom Syndrome’. Instead of mushrooms they grow worries.

Possible reasons for her stress could be that she: • is not being realistic about what can be achieved in these two areas of her life

‘How will I deal with my own feelings and become happy?’ is a constructive question and much better than ‘Why do I feel miserable and stressed?’

It is best to write down the list of stressors on a piece of paper so that it is clear how many you have and what needs addressing.

Successful people are proactive, in other words they have a plan.

Chimps tend to be reactive; therefore they give up easily and take the line of least resistance. Humans tend to be proactive; therefore they constantly plan.

You wake up in the night and your mind starts racing. At this point the Human is fast asleep and the Chimp is now in full control. Therefore, your thinking is irrational and emotional. The Chimp will think and see things catastrophically and worry you for however long you are ‘awake’.

during the hours of eleven at night and seven in the morning you are in Chimp mode with emotional and irrational thinking.

If you wake during the night, any thoughts and feelings you might have are from your Chimp and they are very often disturbing, catastrophic and lacking in perspective. In the morning you are likely to regret engaging with these thoughts and feelings because you will see things differently. Try to develop an Autopilot that says I am not prepared to take any thinking seriously during night-time hours when the Chimp is in charge.

Emotional painkillers are things such as spending time with friends and family for support; allowing close friends to share your pain by letting them know how you feel; accepting help where it is offered; being kind to yourself; and giving yourself permission to deal with the injury in the way that you want to.

So first define success before you start on any venture and also work out what that success will mean to you.

Regal rules The ‘regal rules’ are the behaviours and attitudes that you have decided to abide by as a Monarch. They are not for other

Motivation is Chimp-driven. It is a feeling based on emotion. Motivation generally happens when there is a great reward

Commitment, on the other hand, comes from the Human and does not depend on feelings. Commitment means following a plan even if you don’t feel like it that day.

Key Point When you decide to do something, remind yourself that it is commitment not motivation that matters.

We can break these challenges down into three types: • Hurdles • Barriers • Pitfalls

The plans and requirements to fulfil the dream • What plans have you made to achieve this? • What have you tried in the past? • If it failed in the past, why was this? • What are you going to do that is different this time? • What new strategies have you got for the future? • What worked in the past? • Have you made sure that your plans are watertight by letting someone else check them with you? • What are the essential, significant and desirable requirements for both Human and Chimp for this plan to work? • Have you got the essentials in place BEFORE you start?

Hurdles, barriers and pitfalls • Have you made a list of the hurdles you have to jump? • Have you got a strategy to jump each hurdle? • What will you have to sacrifice? • What are your plans for dealing with the downsides? • What stress will you face in trying to achieve this dream? • What barriers do you think you will have to get round or negotiate on? • What are your plans to avoid or get round each barrier? • What pitfalls might you need to avoid? • How will you recognise the pitfalls as you approach them? • If you failed to reach your dream how would you feel and how will you deal with this?

you find yourself wanting to give up your dream, ask yourself the following: • Why do you want to give up? • Can you change anything before you give up? • Can you find a different approach? • Who have you talked it through with? • What are the advantages to giving up your dream? • What are the disadvantages to giving up the dream? • What plans have you got for when you stop working towards the dream?

Some suggestions to help you to stay committed to a plan • Be realistic with your resources – money and time are not elastic. • Time management is a skill worth learning. • Work effectively not just efficiently. • Prioritise what you need to do and don’t allow yourself to get distracted. • Doing one thing at a time, where possible, is the best way to give it full attention. • Avoid negative people or at least let them know what they are doing (nicely) and if they can’t stop, don’t involve them. • Actively listen to advice and where necessary seek it out. • Indecision is the best energy sapper, so once you have all the information, make the decision and follow it through.

The million-pound question Be disciplined and not just organised.

If you were given a million pounds to do the task before the end of the day could you do it?

Getting disheartened All of us get disheartened from time to time and want to give up our dreams.

When this happens, sometimes, paradoxical psychology works. This is where you basically say the opposite of what you want. So you can say to yourself it is okay to walk away from the dream.

Human beings generally love ownership and will take things more seriously when given it. We take things personally and invest both the Chimp and Human energies into the venture.

Carrying out the plan is about having responsibility and being disciplined.

This is where most people fall down because their Chimps begin to work on feelings and this stops them from being disciplined and doing what they know they need to do.

However, most are then unable to discipline themselves and fail to carry out the plan.

Responsibility is all about managing the Chimp and its feelings, and getting down to business without excuses.

Key Point Taking responsibility and accountability for implementing or carrying out the plan is all about being disciplined.

We have now seen that your chances of success will increase if you have: • A thought-through commitment • A plan for which you have ownership • Accepted responsibility

There is an alternative in life. You can aim for personal excellence, which is doing your best, regardless of the standard that you achieve. This personal excellence is always achievable.

You may still be disappointed with the level you achieve but at least you can hold your head up and say that it was your best. The Chimp is very likely to live with this.

Key Point Personal excellence is defined as doing your best.

It is based on the principle that people are doing their best and if they are failing then it means they need more support, guidance or development. People prefer to be encouraged, supported and rewarded, rather than being beaten.

There is no place for a stick in society. There is a place for benchmarks and consequences of not reaching them, which adult Humans learn to deal with.

Chimps work with violence, threats and sticks. Humans work with compassion, encouragement, carrots and consequences

So the system is to set benchmarks for standards and use carrots to reach these. If you can’t reach the benchmarks after all possible support then you must accept the consequences. Clearly if someone is being lazy then they will not reach the benchmarks set and will suffer the consequences.

Key Point In a civilised society the stick is replaced with carrots, benchmarks and consequences.

Summary key points • Define what you mean by success and stick to it. • Wear the crown when it is appropriate. • Respect the crown when it is on somebody else’s head. • Commitment is the biggest part of the CORE principle. • Take ownership and responsibility for your life. • Aim for personal excellence. • Grow lots of carrots and get rid of the stick.