The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism

by Olivia Fox Cabane

downsides that can accompany kindness or focus charisma. I remember one extraordinary session where I led my client from epiphany to epiphany. Oh, it was a high. He saw so much of his potential, so much of himself, he told me the scales had fallen from his eyes. He said he felt lifted, renewed, and reborn. I thought this was quite a triumph, gave him a few guidelines, and sent him on his way. I didn’t hear from him for a month. I was a bit concerned, but assumed he was focusing on his “homework.” When he finally called, he told me what had happened: “You can’t imagine the impact, the effect, that half hour with you had. I holed up in my apartment for a week. For a week it absorbed my whole world. Turned it upside down.” Yes, he had emerged, and, like a phoenix rising from the ashes, his steady ascent through the company since that week is something he thanks me for to this day. But we were lucky. I’d unknowingly walked him right into the deepest waters, and wasn’t holding his hand as I left him to figure out how to sink or swim. In the years since, under the guidance of wiser mentors, I’ve learned not to give in to the magical feeling that charisma can create and to put the brakes on so that my clients’ comfort builds gradually, over a number of sessions. It’s not easy, however, to slow people down when they’re in the middle of this kind of experience without leaving them feeling hurt and rejected. Here are a few “soft landing” approaches to try: Pay attention. When they s...