The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism

by Olivia Fox Cabane

this switching of roles, a chance to hear how revelatory their own sharing was. They can then decide whether they feel comfortable continuing on that path. Last, this will help them when they come off the high. If their ego recoils in shame over having shared too much, they can cling to the fact that the person they shared so much with revealed something similar. If it’s too late and they’ve already gone too far, show them that you are placing their revelations in the whole-scope context of all you know about them—that whatever they are revealing is just one piece of a much bigger picture that contains many elements they can be proud of. Say something like, “Wow, I never would have guessed you had such a strong impostor syndrome, too, considering all your accomplishments.” You can also aim to make them feel admired for having shared and revealed so much. Remember, what you’re trying to counteract is shame, and few things work better for this than admiration. For example: “You’re showing some serious courage to be delving so deep. That’s impressive.”