In a truly loving relationship—which I have experienced — rather than drawing the one I love to me I give myself to him . . . Not merely do I prefer to do him good than to have him do good to me, I would even prefer that he did good to himself rather than to me: it is when he does good to himself that he does most good to me. If his absence is either pleasant or useful to him, then it delights me far more than his presence.4
