Drop the Rock: Removing Character Defects - Steps Six and Seven

by Bill Pittman

To succeed, we have to stop thinking we are less than other people.

“If we change our thoughts, we can change ourselves.” Our main problem centers in our mind, rather than our body.

The willingness to work the Sixth Step on pride begins by understanding that having healthy pride in our accomplishments in life is fine as long as it is coupled with humility and

gratitude. As long as we don’t settle for an inferior quality of recovery and continue to strive for the best, that kind of pride will not cause harm.

Although pride is listed at the top of the list of Seven Deadly Sins, the sin is having arrogance or false pride. Healthy pride is a necessary part of self-esteem and character growth.

To repeat, our Program teaches us that the pride that “goes before a fall” is an unhealthy state, a symptom of character defects of egotism, grandiosity, and arrogance.

Humble pride acknowledges the guidance of others and a faith in a Higher Power

The second defect is envy (the desire for other’s traits, status, abilities or situation). Envy is a form of fear.

As we aim toward a lasting and comfortable willingness to change by using the Sixth Step, we find that envy is also a mask for jealousy.

The next defect is gluttony (consuming more than required).

The next habit to examine is sloth (avoidance of physical or spiritual work), which is spiritual procrastination in all areas of our life.

Delays never make problems “go away;” they only make success harder to attain. If we shy away from “bringing out” our problems to others, we are sure to cause stress and misunderstanding.

next defect to examine is covetousness (desire for material wealth or gain

while ignoring the realm of the spiritual).

We

We find that we feel better about ourselves when we help others.

We learn from our Program that what we may have been searching for our whole lives is wrapped up in service to others. Our most valuable relationship is the one we have with our Higher Power,

The values we show in the work of recovery look different from the ones we once held. Every day brings a new opportunity to work on our character defects because our values no longer change with every passing fancy. Our life now means something and counts for things that are good.

As for my resentments, I decided to take back control of my feelings and let go of my need to punish the people that had wronged me. I no longer had to refeel the pain from my old hurts. One night after a meeting, someone told me resentment is me taking the poison and waiting for them to die. I’m no longer at the “jumping-off place,” wanting to die. It’s time to let go and let God.

God doesn’t need to keep a watch on us and note our defects; our defects keep us from becoming all that we can become and limit our ability to grow.

We hear in the Program that F.E.A.R. = Frustration, Ego, Anxiety, and Resentment. We don’t want to return to the life we led before recovery, but fear should never be the reason why we don’t. Fear keeps us from being open to the Program and from being entirely ready.

An aspect of humility that is often talked about at meetings is that of being teachable. If we are humble, we are open to new ideas and new ways of seeing things. Open-mindedness is a very important part of humility. We don’t know it all. There is still more we can learn.

I am my biggest problem. The more awareness I have of my being an alcoholic forever and my tending to be self-defeating, the more progress I make.

The Bible says, “Ask and you shall receive. Knock and the door will be opened.” Most of us never ask. Or when we do ask, it is self-centered and self-serving. Prayer is not about self-centered requests for more money, possessions, or power.

We don’t let someone else bring us down to his or her

level. We need to be selfish about our recovery. We may, in many respects, be powerless over people, places, and things, but we’re not powerless over unnecessary hassles in our lives.

I had to be willing to be released from that compulsion.

I can’t ask for help if I’m not willing to be helped. I’ve got to do my part in order for God to do His.

Trust, in many different forms and areas, may be one of the biggest issues facing us in recovery. We lost the ability to trust ourselves through years of denial, rationalization, and addictive behavior and good intentions with little follow-through. Many of us lost the

ability to trust others early in life when we were faced with loved ones who professed love then hurt us—emotionally, physically, or sexually. We may have been abandoned in many different ways and in many different relationships. We may have been abused and shamed. We may have perpetrated all those things on others. Trusting ourselves and others, and trusting God, after all we’ve been through is asking a lot. Yet, if we are to gain the ability to grow to our full potential through the Program and the Twelve

Steps, especially the Sixth and Seventh Steps, we must learn to trust. How do we learn to trust, and what are the elements of trust? Trust, like surrender, has elements of being passive and of being active. It takes action to trust. And it takes an opening or surrendering to our feelings and being vulnerable. We talked about these elements at the beginning ...

is what trust is about. If we’ve given all we have in being willing and asking for help and put it into action, our Higher Power will be there to remove our shortcomings and give the help we need. The element of doubt arises because we don’t know that we’ve done all we could to be ready and willing. So, rather than trusting that we’ve done what we could do, we doubt. Or we begin to look at ways we don’t deserve ...

at a subconscious level, to sabotage our efforts...

We become capable of trusting by being trustworthy. It boils down to our personal integrity. Our responsible actions.

It is like the old story of the man in the flood: A man who believed in God devotedly lived by a river, which flooded on occasion. One spring, the rains fell heavily, and the river began to rise. Soon it was above the foundation of the man’s house. A sheriff came by in a four-by-four truck, offering the man a lift and telling him it was time to evacuate the

area. The man refused the ride stating, “God will take care of me.” The river continued to rise, and soon the man was forced up to the second floor of his house. Looking out his window, he saw a rescue boat approach. Opening the window, he shouted to them to go away after they had offered to rescue him. He said, “God will take care of me.” The river continued to rise and the man was forced out of the second floor onto the roof, where he climbed up to the chimney and held on. The river

rose to where it was swirling around his legs and torso threatening to tear him away into the rushing water. A helicopter came swooping out of the darkening sky and started to lower a rescue sling to lift the man out of jeopardy. He waved the chopper off, shouting, “God will take care of me.” Very soon after the helicopter left, the man was swept off the roof into the raging flood and drowned. Upon arrivin...

“How do you do?” the man angrily demanded to know why God had let him drown. After all, he had great faith and trust in the Lord. God said to the man, “I sent a four-by-four truck, a boat, ...

Trust is twofold in nature: (1) learning to trust ourselves by being true to our integrity and giving full effort and willingness, and (2) surrendering to the process and knowing that help is available if we ask, and understanding that if we don’t see the help, it may be that we are unable to see it, not that it is unavailable.

We can’t work the Steps while living life looking in a rearview mirror. In the past, most of us didn’t need better families, relationships, or partners. We needed to be better people.

If we stay in the worry tower of our indignation, we prevent the healing of past injuries by constantly licking our wounds (character defects).

On the way to my car, full of anger and resentments, I repeat two words, my usefulness. It’s a short version

of the Seventh Step Prayer from the Big Book (page 76), which reads, “My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen.”

Serenity Prayer God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change; The courage to change the things I can; And the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as The pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, This sinful world as it is, Not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will Make all things right If I surrender to His will; That I may be Reasonably happy in this life, And supremely happy with Him forever in the next.

Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace! Where there is hatred, let me sow love. Where there is injury, pardon. Where there is doubt, faith. Where there is despair, hope. Where there is darkness, light. Where there is sadness, joy. O Divine Master, Grant that I may not so much seek To be consoled as to console.

To be understood as to understand. To be loved as to love. For it is in giving That we receive. It is in pardoning That we are pardoned. It is in dying that we are born to eternal life.