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“Paedyn, the Resistance… the Resistance is done. It’s over.”
“Burned to the ground?” I finish for him. “Yeah, I was inside it when that happened.”
Lenny shakes his head. “You are a little cockroach, you know that?” “Plagues,” I snort. “You really know what a girl wants to hear, don’t you?”
“He said things about my dad and the Resistance, but it’s mostly a blur now.” Lies. I relive the moment every time I close my eyes.
“I’m sorry you were alone,” Lenny says gently. “Cockroach, remember? I always find a way to make it out alive.”
I let out a shaky breath. His mother is dying, and he was sent on a mission to retrieve me.
“Everyone,” Lenny says after finally being released, “meet my mother.”
MOTHER???
“And the Enforcer,” she finishes, her lips thin. “Yes, the Enforcer.” Lenny rubs the back of his neck. “We still aren’t sure what to do with him.”
“Then you use him to earn your freedom. The king needs his right-hand man more than a girl on the run.”
“They’re… partial. Percentages.”
“That’s right. They’re the outcome of Elites and Ordinaries. Some have more power than others, but all of them are here because they belong nowhere else.”
When he sits down beside me, he’s wearing my least favorite mask at his disposal—indifference. So I lean over, whispering softly in his ear. “Lucky for you, my feet are freezing.”
My hands are numb. And they’ve been numb for nearly two days now.
“Something the matter, Prince?” She’s perched at the end of my bedroll, crossbow in hand and a smirk on her lips. It’s alarming how much she enjoys this.
“Sympathy doesn’t look good on you, Azer.” “Everything looks good on me, Gray.” I flash her a smile. “Don’t lie.”
I shift in the bedroll, rustling enough to force a sigh out of her. “What is the matter with you?” “My nose is itchy,” I say, voice muffled with blankets.
She’s silent in the way that makes me think she’s struggling not to laugh. “Fine,” she huffs. “Turn around.”
She’s close to me, her body warm despite the freezing feet inching their way closer to mine.
Her blue eyes ripple in the candlelight, looking like the deepest corner of a lagoon. I can just make out the faint freckles that dot her nose, though I pretend to forget the exact number of them there.
She’s unbearable, really. But not in the way that makes it any easier to look away. No, everything about her is a bold sort of beauty, like a rose proudly displaying its thorns.
I LOVE YOU KAI AZER
No. No, it’s terrifying. It’s supposed to be terrifying, still thinking of her as something I’m trying to deserve. Still deeming her worthy of my desire.
Then I’m dreaming again. And it might just be of her.
My hands are still tied behind my back. Only now, they are also tied to hers.
And then the back of her skull connects with my own, sending stars swimming in my vision.
“Ow,” I groan, leaning forward as much as the ropes will allow. “Oh, it’s you,” she says groggily. “I didn’t know who I was tied to. I should have hit you harder.”
“Rafael,” she sighs. “So it’s your greed that’s behind this?”
“Oh, come on, kid. Can you blame me? No one would be able to pass up the price on your head.”
Paedyn rests her head on my shoulder, forcing my attention back to her
I nod before slumping my head on top of hers.
I run a hand down my tired face, then down my crumpled shirt before remembering my inky fingers. I don’t look like a king.
does he have tattoos
“Which means you sacrifice who you were for who you need to be.” His eyes bore into mine, reading more than just the emotion on my face. “And who you need to be it with.”
‘To be a great king, you must first be brave, benevolent, and brutal. Only then can you rule a great kingdom.’ ”
“Well, you’re not exactly the most encouraging person to be tied up with.” “Under different circumstances,” he pants, “I promise you I’m much more fun tied up.”
OMWWWWWW STOOOOOPPP
“Can we pretend that it’s okay not to hate each other in these moments?” I ask quietly, if only to ease my conscience.
“Do you regret any of it?” His voice is soft, soothing. “Regret what?” “Us?” A pause.
“Regret what happened between us? Even the more recent things?” I whisper, recalling our moment of weakness on the rooftop. He’s quiet for so long that I doze off, only waking when he murmurs, “Sleep, Little Psychic. Regret in the morning.”
Maybe this is where Death finally catches me, finally gets to cackle at the sight of me drifting into a watery grave. Or maybe he’ll embrace me like an old friend.
“Paedyn…” The water seems to still for his soft voice. “No,” I say sternly. “Don’t do that. Don’t go saying my name because you think it might be the last time you ever will.”
He has the nerve to chuckle. “Your name seems like a good word to die with on my lips.” “Kai—” “I don’t regret it.” His words are a rush, a confession he’s clung to. “I don’t regret you, or what was between us. And I don’t regret kissing you on that roof. But I know I’ll regret what I have to do to you for the rest of my life.”
I melt at his words, mourn what could have been. And now I’ll drown in the regret that is him.
“Pretend,” I whisper against his lips. I am recklessness incarnate. Until the very end. My mouth meets his. He tastes like longing. Like regret and relief. Like nothing matters but this moment.
It’s fervent, like a sinner’s final prayer. And maybe that is what this kiss is. Repentance.
She tastes like a piece of the heaven I won’t be going to. Kissing her is relief.
She pulls away, panting words between each kiss. “I hate you.” “I know,” I murmur into her mouth.
“I hate you.” I run my hand slowly up her side. “Prove it to me, Gray,” I murmur against her ear....
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She’ll be free of me now. She’s probably halfway to a shadow she can melt into. The idea almost makes me smile. I sink into oblivion, the thought of her my final prayer.
We watch each other, his gray eyes unwavering. It feels different, this look. The look of two people who now share another secret.
you and I both know that I’m not. And that I know better than most that surviving is sometimes more painful than death.”
“I want an end like those I loved most. Stabbed through the chest with a smile on my face.”
“That’s what I want,” I say flatly. “I want to feel what they felt. I want to feel like I’m with them one last time while I’m still alive.” “That’s… admirable, in its own, twisted way.”
