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For the reckless souls who dare to love and be loved
Death is devastation, no matter its victim.
The stars are flirtatious things, always winking down in the darkness.
I used to welcome the idea of drowning in those blue eyes of hers. But now, seeing the disdain she stares me down with, I realize that drowning alone wasn’t what I craved, but sinking together.
She is my inevitable.
Does death divulge deep-rooted devotion?
I can’t seem to differentiate grief out of love and guilt out of the lack thereof.
He pulls me close, holds me like a breath, knowing it’s only a matter of time before he needs to let me go.
Her breathing is melodic. Hypnotizing in a way I hate admitting.
Humans aren’t meant to play God. And the Elites have played that part long enough.
And then she smiles, bright and big like the night sky hanging above us. I fear she could rival the stars.
“Don’t live to die. Die because you lived.”
She’s unbearable, really. But not in the way that makes it any easier to look away.
She’s alluring in the way that most deadly things are. It’s captivating.
“Don’t do that. Don’t go saying my name because you think it might be the last time you ever will.”
“Your name seems like a good word to die with on my lips.”
Death emboldens. The end initiates.
My mouth meets his. He tastes like longing. Like regret and relief. Like nothing matters but this moment. It’s fervent, like a sinner’s final prayer. And maybe that is what this kiss is. Repentance.
She tastes like a piece of the heaven I won’t be going to.
Kissing her is relief.
“I’m brave enough to admit that I’m terrified,”
I sink into oblivion, the thought of her my final prayer.
The things Death made us say, the kiss we shared thinking it was our last, can never be undone.
“If I were a different man, a better man, I might tell you that surviving is always a gift. But”—he chuckles darkly—“you and I both know that I’m not. And that I know better than most that surviving is sometimes more painful than death.”
It’s troubling, how tempting she is.
She tasted like a privilege, felt like a dream.
“You can’t overestimate something that is infinite.”
Infinite. How equally intimidating and intriguing.
“The truth, always.”
“You cannot be nothing when you are everything to someone else.”
“Maybe I’m fine with being a fool. So long as it’s for you.”
he looks at me with a reverence reserved for religion.
Seeing her enjoy life makes surviving mine suddenly worth it.
I want him to own my name and still beg when he says it.
My name from his lips is a weakness I shouldn’t let him hold over me.
“I think I would fall on my sword if it meant you mourned me,” he breathes. “And it’s terrifying to think you hold that much power over me.”
“I may be a monster, but if you cut me, I’ll bleed. And if you break my heart, Pae, you’ll break me. So, if even a sliver of your soul longs for mine, I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to deserve it.”
“I wanted to kill you,” I whisper, forcing his eyes open. “I wanted to be your undoing. But even then, I knew I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I had.” He inches toward me, head shaking and eyes roaming as though overwhelmed by what he is seeing. “Oh, but you are my undoing. My deliverance. My downfall disguised as a deity.” Another slow step. “You are my ruin.”
“Call us even. Call me crazy. I don’t care. Just…” His eyes are pleading, brimming with emotion. “Just call me yours.”
I wrap my arms around his neck. He is my anchor, and I am willing to sink, so long as it is with him.
“You are my proof of a paradise,”
before I loved her, I longed for her. She was a want I wasn’t worthy of. And I’m afraid I’ll never get the chance to deserve her.
She is the torture I may not survive. Eagerly, she is my undoing.
