How to Fall in Love

by Cecelia Ahern

He was really so fragile, so delicate, so heartbroken, a whisper away from breaking.

He spoke of it all devoid of emotion, totally disconnected as his defence mechanism kicked in to block out the overwhelming pain. I guessed for him to connect, to feel the pain, felt too much to bear.

‘Have you ever not known something but known it at the same time?’

‘Where would we be without tomorrows? What we’d have instead would be todays. And if that was the case, with you, I’d hope for the longest day for today. I’d fill today with you, doing everything I’ve ever loved. I’d laugh, I’d talk, I’d listen and learn, I’d love, I’d love, I’d love. I’d make every day today and spend them all with you, and I’d never worry about tomorrow, when I wouldn’t be with you. And when that dreaded tomorrow comes for us, please know that I didn’t want to leave you, or be left behind, that every single moment spent with you were the best times in my life.’

the most beautiful man in my world

‘Hey, the secret mind is a very uncool place.’

‘I don’t know. Do you think that unrequited love is real love?’ ‘The answer is in the question, isn’t it?’ he said slowly. ‘Yeah, but if it’s not reciprocated, is the person experiencing the full, proper thing?’ He thought about it, he really thought about it, and I waited for an answer that would represent all that thought, but he simply said, ‘Yes.’

‘Everything is possible with you, isn’t it?’ ‘Most things are possible.’ Then, more to myself. ‘But not everything.’ ‘Like what?’ Like me and you.

I was too happy, too light-headed, too sizzling and fizzling at that moment to be able to concentrate.

I literally melted and came alive at the same time, a bizarre state of affairs.

‘But that’s why it’s okay if you want to talk to me. I won’t judge you, I won’t tell you that you shouldn’t have done this or done that, I’ll just listen. Sometimes it helps to talk, to say things out loud. And if you don’t know where to turn or who to talk to, you can ask me and I’ll do whatever I can to help. There’s always someone to turn to, Caroline. And we can keep it between the two of us – you won’t have to worry about me telling anybody you don’t want to know.’

‘Now you know,’ I said gently, giving her a tissue. ‘There is always someone to hear you and help you. Always.’

Suddenly, pining for him and not having him was vital, it was a treat, it was a bonus. It was the perspective I needed.

‘But you can’t chase happiness. Joy happens spontaneously – it’s not some generic, by-numbers formula that you follow. Only I didn’t know that, I didn’t know what to do. I think I’d stopped seeing the beauty of the world for a while, without even realising it. Being with you … you helped me to see how beautiful life is, how fun it is. You were my wonderfully bespoke original guide to happiness. You showed me that doing simple things are all you need as long as you’re doing them with someone who wants to be with you.

‘I don’t care if my love is requited or not, because being with you and the very thought of you makes me happy. The point I’m trying to make is that you are loved because I love you, Adam. Please, don’t do it. Please don’t jump because I need you.’

Life is a series of moments and moments are always changing, just like thoughts, negative and positive. And though it may be human nature to dwell, like many natural things it’s senseless, senseless to allow a single thought to inhabit a mind because thoughts are like guests or fair-weather friends. As soon as they arrive, they can leave, and even the ones that take a long time to emerge fully can disappear in an instant. Moments are precious; sometimes they linger and other times they’re fleeting, and yet so much could be done in them; you could change a mind, you could save a life and you could even fall in love.