The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times

by Pema Chödrön

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye. —ANTOINE DE SAINT-EXUPÉRY

don’t you go letting life harden your heart.”

we can let the circumstances of our lives harden us so that we become increasingly resentful and afraid, or we can let them soften us and make us kinder and more open to what scares us. We always have this choice.

An analogy for bodhichitta is the rawness of a broken heart.

Whether they’re wearing Klan outfits or environmentalist outfits or really expensive suits, all these people have the same angry faces.”

THE BUDDHA TAUGHT that there are three principal characteristics of human existence: impermanence, egolessness, and suffering or dissatisfaction.

This complete acceptance of ourselves as we are is called maitri, a simple, direct relationship with the way we are.

“Always meditate on whatever provokes resentment”—

“Train in the three difficulties” gives us instruction on how to practice, how to interrupt our habitual reactions. The three difficulties are (1) acknowledging our neurosis as neurosis, (2) doing something different, and (3) aspiring to continue practicing this way.

IT’S UP TO US. We can spend our lives cultivating our resentments and cravings or we can explore the path of the warrior—nurturing open-mindedness and courage.

In other traditions demons are expelled externally. But in my tradition demons are accepted with compassion. —MACHIK LABDRÖN

Rejoicing in ordinary things is not sentimental or trite. It actually takes guts.

life is very precious. Even when we’re determined to block the magic, it will get through and wake us up.

“With a boundless mind one could cherish all living beings, radiating friendliness over the entire world, above, below, and all around without limit.”

A warrior begins to take responsibility for the direction of her life. It’s as if we are lugging around unnecessary baggage. Our training encourages us to open the bags and look closely at what we are carrying. In doing this we begin to understand that much of it isn’t needed anymore.

There are three near enemies of compassion: pity, overwhelm, and idiot compassion.

When we identify ourselves as the helper, it means we see others as helpless.

Booker T. Washington was right when he said, “Let no man pull you so low as to make you hate him.”

Forgiveness, it seems, cannot be forced. When we are brave enough to open our hearts to ourselves, however, forgiveness will emerge.

Cultivating strong determination and commitment to relate openly with whatever life presents, including our emotional distress. Building familiarization with the bodhichitta practices by utilizing them in formal practice and on the spot. Watering the seed of bodhichitta in both delightful and miserable situations so that our confidence in this positive seed can grow. Using reproach—with kindness and humor—as a way of catching ourselves before we cause harm to self or other.

Nurturing the habit of aspiration for all of us that suffering and its seeds diminish and that wisdom and compassion increase, nurturing the habit of always cultivating our kind heart and open mind.

There are three kinds of laziness—comfort orientation, loss of heart, and “couldn’t care less.”

There are six traditional activities in which the bodhisattva trains, six ways of compassionate living: generosity, discipline, patience, enthusiasm, meditation, and prajna—unconditional wisdom. Traditionally these are called the six paramitas, a Sanskrit word meaning “gone to the other shore.”

The essence of generosity is letting go.

he would be sowing the seeds of his own intense suffering.

Generosity. Giving as a path of learning to let go. Discipline. Training in not causing harm in a way that is daring and flexible. Patience. Training in abiding with the restlessness of our energy and letting things evolve at their own speed. If waking up takes forever, still we go moment by moment, giving up all hope of fruition and enjoying the process. Joyful enthusiasm. Letting go of our perfectionism and connecting with the living quality of every moment. Meditation. Training in coming back to being right here with gentleness and precision. Prajna. Cultivating an open, inquiring mind. With these six activities of the bodhisattva, we learn how to travel to the other shore, and we do our best to take everyone we can find along with us.

The Buddha’s principal message that day was that holding on to anything blocks wisdom. Any conclusions we might draw must be let go.

no three marks of existence, no suffering, no end of suffering, no imprisonment, no liberation.

When someone who is insane starts to harm us, we can easily understand that she doesn’t know what she is doing. There is the possibility of contacting our heart and feeling sadness that she is out of control and is harming herself by hurting others.

a lunatic is far less crazy than a sane person who harms us, for that so-called sane person has the potential to realize that in acting aggressively he is sowing seeds of his own confusion and dissatisfaction. His present aggression is strengthening future, more-intense habits of aggression. He is creating his own soap opera. This kind of life is painful and lonely. The one who harms us is under the influence of patterns that could continue to produce suffering forever.

connect with the heart. Remember that the one who harms us does not need to be provoked further and neither do we. Recognize that, just like us, millions are burning with the fire of aggression. We can sit with the intensity of the anger and let its energy humble us and make us more compassionate.

“Who is this monolithic me that has been so offended? And who is this other person who can trigger me like this?

The teacher’s role is to help the student realize that his awakened mind and the teacher’s are the same.

May the roots of suffering diminish. May warfare, violence, neglect, indifference, and addictions also decrease. May the wisdom and compassion of all beings increase, now and in the future. May we clearly see all the barriers we erect between ourselves and others to be as insubstantial as our dreams. May we appreciate the great perfection of all phenomena. May we continue to open our hearts and minds, in order to work ceaselessly for the benefit of all beings. May we go to the places that scare us. May we lead the life of a warrior.

May all sentient beings enjoy happiness and the root of happiness. May they be free from suffering and the root of suffering. May they not be separated from the great happiness devoid of suffering. May they dwell in the great equanimity free from passion, aggression, and prejudice.