The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times

by Pema Chödrön

The near enemy or misunderstanding of loving-kindness is attachment.

Loving-kindness is different from lhenchak. It is not based on need. It is genuine appreciation and care for the well-being of another person, a respect for an individual’s value.

Booker T. Washington was right when he said, “Let no man pull you so low as to make you hate him.”

Cruelty when rationalized or unacknowledged destroys us.

we can accept ourselves and others complete with imperfections.

Fresh Start

FORGIVENESS IS an essential ingredient of bodhichitta practice. It allows us to let go of the past and make a fresh start.

the most important thing to do was to forgive herself.

“All activities should be done with one intention.”

intention is to realize our connection with all beings.

My willingness to stay with the discomfort was what allowed something to shift.

We learn to ask, “How can I use this suffering and this joy as a vehicle for transformation?”

three kinds of laziness—comfort orientation, loss of heart, and “couldn’t care less.”

comfort orientation, is based on our tendency to avoid inconvenience.

six ways of compassionate living: generosity, discipline, patience, enthusiasm, meditation, and prajna—unconditional wisdom.

paramitas, a Sanskrit word meaning “gone to the other shore.”

Through paramita training we learn to be comfortable with uncertainty.

one small shift of perspective will tell us that having nothing to hold on to is liberating.

Holding on to nothing means we can relax with this fluid, dynamic world.

It is with this unfixated mind of prajna that we practice generosity, discipline, enthusiasm, patience, and meditation, moving from narrow-mindedness to flexibility and fearlessness.

A woman I know decided that whatever she was attached to she’d give away.

learn to relax with the restlessness of our energy—the energy of anger, boredom, and excitement.

threefold purity—no big deal about the doer, no big deal about the action, no big deal about the result.

no expectation, no ambition, no hope of fruition.

We train in simply being present.

six activities of the warrior: Generosity. Giving as a path of learning to let go.

Discipline. Training in not causing harm in a way that is daring and flexible.

Patience. Training in abiding with the restlessness of our energy and letting things ...

Joyful enthusiasm. Letting go of our perfectionism and connecting with the living quality of every moment.

Meditation. Training in coming back to being right here with gentleness and precision.

Prajna. Cultivating an open, inq...

“Form is emptiness, emptiness also is form.

Things are as bad and as good as they seem.

We don’t like to have our basic assumptions challenged. It’s too threatening.

The synonym for total fearlessness is full enlightenment—wholehearted, open-minded interaction with our world.

essence of the fearless, open state of mind.

mantra: OM GATE GATE PARAGATE PARASAMGATE BODHI SVAHA.

Moving in the direction of nothing to hold on to is daring.

practice not causing harm to anyone—yourself or others—and every day, do what you can to be helpful.

connecting with the heart, 3. seeing obstacles as teachers,

seeing difficulties as teachers.

Life itself will provide opportunities for learning how to hold our seat.

The teacher is always with us.

For some people, reading a book or hearing a specific teacher teach is enough.

relationship with a teacher evolves to a place of unconditional trust and love,

“Be grateful to everyone.”

We’re out of there because we don’t like a change in the organizational policy or because we feel unappreciated or neglected.

We feel used, betrayed, disillusioned. We don’t want to feel these painful feelings and we leave.

Closing down in any form causes suffering to escalate.

In working with a spiritual friend we learn to love in an open-ended way—to love and to be loved unconditionally.