Unhinged

by Vera Valentine

“So. Hera has told me I must make some….amends…for my affairs.

Hahahaha no way, it's Zeus.

well, there’s a pretty decent chance you may be, you know, my son. Of sorts. See, a lot of things happened in that grove and there was this perfectly-positioned knothole on this really sexy tree and the mead was flowing freely-”

No fucking way this is hilarious.

“Anyway, tonight, by Hera’s grace, you can enter your girl's dreams. You'll need to make your case and convince her to - well, to do what I did with that knothole.” The man cleared his throat awkwardly. “The catch is, however, that it needs to happen while you’re in this form to set you free.

This is too good. I'm laughing out loud.

I was more than a door. It had never occurred to me that there was a time before I was a door, or that other doors might not be aware of themselves. Was I really a dryad, then? A god?

Hahahaha.

I threw caution to the wind, clasping her soft hand against my cheek and turning my head to kiss her palm. “I have no name but yours, Tana. I am your faithful guardian and protector, nothing more, nothing less. I am your door, and I love you.”

I CAN'T

“Your door. To your apartment.” I smiled brightly, proud and happy to finally have a voice to tell Tana I’d been watching over her.

HAHAHA

The man that offered me this-” I pointed back and forth between us, “-said that we must be together. In the way you are with your shivering blue stick.”

HAHAHAHA

I was tense, at least as much as a slab of wood could be.

A pang of sorrow coursed through me at the idea Tana was avoiding me, at least as much as someone could “avoid” their own front door.

Tana was beautiful, and I couldn’t miss the way her tongue darted out to catch a few sloshed drops of wine off her hand. If I hadn’t already been made of wood, I’d be stiff as a board at the sight.

This is gold.

When she popped back into view with a clean rag and a bottle of disinfectant spray cleaner, I could hardly believe my luck. Was she really going to…?

You go door, you deserve it.

Wrapping my round brass protrusion in a soft cloth and a firm grip, she started polishing my knob with slow, smooth strokes that stirred something deep in my wood.

HAHAHAHA

“It’s not that I think you’re gonna knock me up with little, uh, trapdoors, or something,

Gold, just gold.

Tana held her breath, rocking back to slowly impale herself on her front door.

She gushed around me with a keening cry, tightening and fluttering in a hard orgasm

Poor door, that didn't last long.

I widened my fingers in wonder and wiggled bare toes on the carpet below, raising a brow at the fleshy, though still very thick, tube of flesh that replaced my knob.

“Also, where the fuck is my DOOR?

Think, honey.

I followed her gaze down to find the strange sock from earlier hanging off of the thick, protruding rod of flesh between my thighs.

This book is a whole experience.

Eager to prove I was here to support her wishes and make her feel safe, I’d immediately agreed, ending up on the wrong side of a vicious, bloodthirsty length of pink measuring tape.

A little different than the actor - Idris

Idris Elba hahaha I totally get it girl.

I reached for the offered pen and clipboard, subtly leaning on the door frame as I mentally struggled with staying upright. Humans were so…floppy.

“Right. My shockingly-attractive door has come to life after I fucked him,

And even though the reassurances came from the lips of a fantasy man pulled straight from her dreams and her doorframe, I hoped that Tana would let herself believe them.

My heart soared. Other parts of me did as well,

“Thank you, Drys. You’ve done so much already. You were a very good door, I hope you know that.” Something about being called a good door made my human legs feel weak and shaky.

A door with a praise kink.

I panted, overwhelmed with pleasure to be held like this, so unlike a door, so soft and vulnerable in her hands. Well, not entirely soft: my cock felt like it was about to drill into the dresser

There was a bright flash and a searing pain, and then there was blood on me, too.

Nooooo

I was so tired. I needed to rest now. But wasn’t there something I needed to….? Sleep.

NO

This beautiful Greek woman,

Hera hahaha.

Hera also said that you’ll turn back into a door every full moon,

It's a weredoor.