Unhinged

by Vera Valentine

a human woman getting it on with her front door, which later turns into a guy.

This is the Real Word people Writing

Try as I might, I couldn’t hold back my deadbolt, which slid free with excitement at the touch of her soft cheek.

What

My Tana was in danger, and even as sturdy as I was, I’d never felt more helpless.

honey.

Don’t call her Honey

I know you’re home, I saw your car in your parking space. Hey, did the cops talk to you today?

Ok u Werid

But right now Randall was looking at Tana too hard, a beat too long, sizing her up like a meal rather than a tenant.

😀 Bruh Randall stop-

I’d hate to think there was a dangerous man out here that could hurt one of my favorite tenants.”

On the Irony

You’re probably wondering what all this is about, your existence and everything.

Yuh. Who are you?

you’re made of solid oak, that’s one of my sacred trees. I’m told that apparently an acorn from my grove across the ocean made it here, grew up into a big strong oak, and was felled to use for-” the man wrinkled his nose and gestured dismissively at me, “well, this. Congrats, you’re at least half dryad, my boy.”

Omg what’s this Story..

“I have no name but yours, Tana. I am your faithful guardian and protector, nothing more, nothing less. I am your door, and I love you.”

I ain’t never read nothing like this. Well I think I’m wattpad??

when she used her shivering blue stick.

That isn’t ur business to see Loki

If I hadn’t already been made of wood, I’d be stiff as a board at the sight.

“But, I mean, it can’t hurt anything, right? I mean, women fuck cucumbers and bedposts and balloons and shit. This isn’t that weird, right?”

Right. Pillows, blankets, couches

Wrapping my round brass protrusion in a soft cloth and a firm grip, she started polishing my knob with slow, smooth strokes that stirred something deep in my wood.

Wtf I’m I reading..

“Right. Okay. Well, I’m either about to get more kinky than I ever thought I could, or I’m kissing not-a-frog with not-my-lips and breaking some kinda weird curse.”

“Well, looks like I’m just kinky, you’re still a door. Damn, I am way more kinky than I thought I was. God that was good, though. Screw it, I’m going to eat more of those fuckin popsicles before bed.”

She just so Her Lolz

“Sorry, don’t mean to uh, bang and run. Hope that was good for you too. Now I need a shower.” She laughed loudly at herself, patting my frame and heading back down the hallway.

LIKE SHE SO HER

my human cock jumped with interest, ready for a repeat performance. I gently squeezed it, willing it to calm down,

“Right. My shockingly-attractive door has come to life after I fucked him, vowing to protect me against my murderous panty-sniffing super that broke in and poisoned my orange juice. Just another Thursday.”

Just ANOTHER DAY

Hey honey mrs Scrimshaw says you got a big package delivered do u need help getting it inside? I am good w delivering big packages ;)

No she got it. You two need to leave her alone

She huffed and pulled a plain black t-shirt over my head, snapping off the tag and tossing it in the cart’s upper basket with the toiletries she’d picked up for me.

Jealousy??

Tana studied me for a long moment, her eyes soft. “Thank you, Drys. You’ve done so much already. You were a very good door, I hope you know that.”

This story. It like a webcomic or wattpad

Something about being called a good door made my human legs feel weak and shaky.

“I’m going to tell you a secret, Drys. I have a weakness for big, strong men who do as they’re told. Good boys who enjoy working for my praise. It makes me feel safe and protected. Do you know anyone like that?”

I- I’ll pay you back for the clothes and cook for you and do the laundry…”

HE WILL COOK, HE WILL CLEAN

“Oh! Oh Tana. That feels so good…please…can I please have more…”

This is Wild-

“My big, strong door. You did such a good job protecting me, saving me,

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