Unhinged

by Vera Valentine

My Tana was in danger, and even as sturdy as I was, I’d never felt more helpless.

See, a lot of things happened in that grove and there was this perfectly-positioned knothole on this really sexy tree and the mead was flowing freely-” he gestured in a rolling circle with his hand. “You get the point.”

“And I’d seal the deal quickly, if I were you. My brother Hades mentioned that the skinny twit I’ve seen lurking around your girl sent a woman to the underworld recently.”

more than a door.

have no name but yours, Tana. I am your faithful guardian and protector, nothing more, nothing less. I am your door, and I love you.”

I hadn’t already been made of wood, I’d be stiff as a board at the sight.

“But, I mean, it can’t hurt anything, right? I mean, women fuck cucumbers and bedposts and balloons and shit. This isn’t that weird, right?”

“But why are they made like that? Why should you pay more for smaller, flimsy things because you’re a woman? That seems silly to me.”

She was the most beautiful human I’d ever seen, and if I’d been in love with her before, I was entirely smitten now.

I nodded after a moment, setting aside the warm emotions at being mistaken for her husband.

“Your bad days. You’ll have them soon, same as you did last month. The ones where you wear softer clothing and watch sad movies and go to the bathroom a lot and sometimes cry. I don’t like to see you sad and you seem better when you have ice cream.”

I’d need, we headed back to her apartment, the employment application I’d surreptitiously grabbed at checkout tucked into my pocket. She’d been insistent about buying me several outfits, pairs of shoes, and toiletries, but I didn’t want to be a kept man if I could help it. Tana deserved to be taken care of, and I wanted to be the one to do it.

“If it’s alright with you, I’ll clean off your headboard and all the dresser tops, too. I don’t ever want you to feel violated or afraid in your own home.”

I just wanted to give you a little reward for being such a good protector.”

Thank you thank you thank you Hera!”

“My Beautiful Tana, how I’ve missed you. I’d die for you a thousand times to live this moment.”