Unhinged

by Vera Valentine

Try as I might, I couldn’t hold back my deadbolt, which slid free with excitement at the touch of her soft cheek.

Even though I was, architecturally-speaking, obligated to support her, I still felt like I was actively providing her comfort. The thought of that warmed me down to my threshold.

I strained at my hinges, wishing I could fly out in the wrong direction and break the man’s nose.

See, a lot of things happened in that grove and there was this perfectly-positioned knothole on this really sexy tree and the mead was flowing freely-” he gestured in a rolling circle with his hand. “You get the point.”

“I have no name but yours, Tana. I am your faithful guardian and protector, nothing more, nothing less. I am your door, and I love you.”

The man that offered me this-” I pointed back and forth between us, “-said that we must be together. In the way you are with your shivering blue stick.”

slimy son of a bitch

If I hadn’t already been made of wood, I’d be stiff as a board at the sight.

“But, I mean, it can’t hurt anything, right? I mean, women fuck cucumbers and bedposts and balloons and shit. This isn’t that weird, right?”

Wrapping my round brass protrusion in a soft cloth and a firm grip, she started polishing my knob with slow, smooth strokes that stirred something deep in my wood.

She nibbled at her bottom lip, eyes shyly avoiding me as she laid the items carefully down on the small entryway table.

I’m taking your cameo in my recurring nightmare as consent, but if I’m wrong…I dunno, like, jiggle in your frame or something.”