Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead

by Sheryl Sandberg

Legendary investor Warren Buffett has stated generously that one of the

reasons for his great success was that he was competing with only half of the population.

A 2011 McKinsey report noted that men are promoted based on potential, while women are promoted based on past accomplishments.19

Some of the most important contributions to our world are made by caring for one person at a time.

“My generation fought so hard to give all of you choices. We believe in choices. But choosing to leave the workforce was not the choice we thought so many of you would make.”2

Career progression often depends upon taking risks and advocating for oneself—traits that girls are discouraged from exhibiting.

I also acknowledge that there are biological differences between men and women. I have breast-fed two children and noted, at times with great disappointment, that this was simply not something my husband was equipped to do.

“women are not thinking about ‘having it all,’ they’re worried about losing it all—their jobs, their children’s health, their families’ financial stability—because of the regular conflicts that arise between being a good employee and a responsible parent.”

Fear is at the root of so many of the barriers that women face. Fear of not being liked. Fear of making the wrong choice. Fear of drawing negative attention. Fear of overreaching. Fear of being judged. Fear of failure. And the holy trinity of fear: the fear of being a bad mother/wife/daughter.

“What would you do if you weren’t afraid?”

So please ask yourself: What would I do if I weren’t afraid? And then go do it.

This phenomenon of capable people being plagued by self-doubt has a name—the impostor syndrome.

Ask a man to explain his success and he will typically credit his own innate qualities and skills. Ask

a woman the same question and she will attribute her success to external factors, insisting she did well because she “worked really hard,” or “got lucky,” or “had help from others.”

Research backs up this “fake it till you feel it” strategy.

It’s a cliché, but opportunities are rarely offered; they’re seized.

Taking initiative pays off. It is hard to visualize someone as a leader if she is always waiting to be told what to do.

In retrospect, at a certain point it’s your ability to learn quickly and contribute quickly that matters.

women have to learn to keep their hands up, because when they lower them, even managers with the best intentions might not notice.

No one accomplishes anything all alone.

But I also know that in order to continue to grow and challenge myself, I have to believe in my own abilities.

We put ourselves down before others can.

“gender discount” problem, and it means that women are paying a professional penalty for their presumed desire to be communal.

The goal of a successful negotiation is to achieve our objectives and continue to have people like us.

When negotiating, “Think personally, act communally.

My understanding is that jobs that involve this level of responsibility are compensated in this range”).

woman needs to combine niceness with insistence,

If you do please everyone, you aren’t making enough progress.

“Careers are a jungle gym, not a ladder.”

ladder, most climbers are stuck staring at the butt of the person above.

Then he explained that only one criterion mattered when picking a job—fast growth. When companies grow quickly, there are more things to do than there are people to do them. When companies grow more slowly or stop growing, there is less to do and too many people to not be doing them. Politics and stagnation set in, and everyone falters. He told me, “If you’re offered a seat on a rocket ship, you don’t ask what seat. You just get on.” I made up my mind that instant. Google was tiny and disorganized, but it was a rocket ship. And even more important to me, it was a rocket ship with a mission I believed in deeply.

as the “Tiara Syndrome,” where women “expect that

if they keep doing their job well someone will notice them and place a tiara on their head.”

“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.”

“all advice is autobiographical.”

great leadership is “conscious” leadership.

One thing that helps is to remember that feedback, like truth, is not absolute.

“How can I do better?” “What am I doing that I don’t know?” “What am I not doing that I don’t see?” These questions can lead to so many benefits. And believe me, the truth hurts. Even when I have solicited feedback, any judgment can feel harsh. But the upside of painful knowledge is so much greater than the downside of blissful ignorance.

An all-business approach is not always good business.

O’Connor now refers to herself as “a career-loving parent,” a nice alternative to “working mom.”4

But even if mothers are more naturally inclined toward nurturing, fathers can match that skill with knowledge and effort.

truly believe that the single most important career decision that a woman makes is whether she will have a life partner and who that partner is.

When looking for a life partner, my advice to women is date all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands.

When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated, and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home.

In fact, the risk of divorce reduces by about half when a wife earns half the income and a husband does half the housework.

We need more men to sit at the table . . . the kitchen table.

“Done is better than perfect.” I have tried to embrace this motto and let go of unattainable standards. Aiming for perfection causes frustration at best and paralysis at worst. I agree completely with the advice offered by Nora Ephron

“Leadership is about making others better as a result

your presence and making sure that impact lasts in your absence.”

“There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.”