Gone Whalin'

by Conor Lastowka

How does one measure something like “percentage of mobility loss on your right side” anyways? It sure looked like less than 90 percent every time Cormac saw him wheel by.

He wasn’t sure exactly how this dream stuff worked; he’d been pretty stoned the time he watched Inception.

Thank God I’m so severely inebriated, Cormac thought, otherwise that might have really hurt or been avoided altogether!

the difference that separates the Ahabs from the A-hab nots.

Oh man.

Dr. Franklin had been in his pocket ever since he had caught her falsifying her transcript when applying to medical schools as a Harrington undergrad. She had been falsifying her transcript using a transcript-falsifying service that the dean had started over a decade ago.

Solid.

“Love it, I’m posting this to my sea shanty blog,” read a third, presumably written by the loneliest man on earth.