How to Date a Nerd (How To, #1)

by Cassie Mae

Slouching back on the couch, interlocking his fingers and resting his head on his hands, he gives me a good impression of someone who’s trying to look cool, but not sure if they’re doing it right. He’s so doing it right.

“Okay,” he says before setting his hand on mine. He weaves his fingers in between my own, and I swear I swallowed a drummer with the way my heart pounds in my throat. I steal a glance at him, and he looks like he’s about to sweat a rainstorm. “I-I’ll shift, you worry about the clutch.” He gulps and his grip tightens on my hand. If he thinks this is less distracting, he’s dead wrong.

He leans over me to start the car. I consider stalling it on purpose if he’s going to come this close to me when I do.

He laughs and laces his fingers with mine over the gearbox. “Just remember, I can’t hold your hand every time.” But he gives me a little squeeze, letting me know he won’t mind if I ask him again.

“I can’t fall for you again, Zo. Especially now.” My eyes widen, but other than that, I try to keep my composure. “Why not?” “Because I don’t know who you are anymore.” There’s more tightening in the chest area, and something heavy falls into my stomach as what he says sinks in. “But, you know exactly who I am. You’re the only one who knows who I am.” “That’s my point. Why am I the only one who gets to see both sides of you?”

“Zoe, no matter what you do, or who you are, there will always be people who don’t understand.”

“Are you happy with yourself?” Wow, not what I expected. And it takes me a minute to figure out which me he’s asking about. I guess the answer is the same either way, and if my head wasn’t so foggy, I’d go through the pros and cons list of Popular Zoe vs. Geek Zoe. “Sometimes.” It’s about as honest as I can be. He sighs, slowly returning to his normal color. “Then erase the part that makes you unhappy.”

“Zo, I don’t think I could ever hate you. You hurt me, but whenever I saw you grab one of those books and duck under here, I knew you were probably hurting too, and I’d let it go.” Whoa. “Just like that?” He snickers. “I guess I make it sound easier than it was. But yeah, I’d let it go because I knew it wasn’t the girl at school under this blanket. It was my friend.”

“Didn’t you notice how flustered I got? How weak I am when it comes to you? Dammit, Zo, you’ve got me.” He pauses, pressing his forehead against mine. I’m pretty sure I’m not breathing. “If you want me.”

“Zak, I’m totally jealous of you. You deal with people giving you crap every day, but you don’t change yourself to please them. And you shouldn’t have to either, because, well, you’re frakking awesome.” I pause while he sort of laughs. He’s totally nervous, and it’s not helping my nerves at all. How do I explain this? “I kept asking myself why I couldn’t do that. Ignore what people thought of me and be myself. You were… are the only person who knows who I really am and you like me for it. You make me, I dunno, proud to be a total dork. “So, yeah, you’re part of the reason still, but I’m not doing this just for you. I’m doing this for a lot of people. Myself included.”

Remind yourself why you’re doing this, Zoe! You’re tired. You’re so tired of being someone you’re not. You’re tired of being afraid. You’re tired of everything. Just do it! Like a friggin’ Band-Aid!