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God, she’s so obsessed with him. She has some weird fascination with his twisted life that I don’t understand, and it makes me crazy. I can already feel myself getting angry, annoyed—jealous, even—which is ridiculous. Warner isn’t even human; I shouldn’t be comparing myself to him. Besides, she’s not his type at all. He’d probably eat her alive.
I knew she should’ve stayed behind. She’s not built for this—she’s not strong enough to be on the battlefield. She would’ve been so much safer if she’d stayed behind. Why does no one ever listen to me?
“But what about Juliette?” Kenji asks. “Maybe we can split up—I can head back to Point with Castle and Alia; you can stay here with Ian and Lily—” “No. I have to get James. I have to be there. I have to be the one to get him—” “But Juliette—”
“Let’s go,” Alia says quietly. She’s the only one who responds to me, and she offers me a kind smile as she does. I decide I like her for it. “We should secure shelter as soon as possible. And maybe find James something to eat.” I beam at her. So touched that she would speak for James.
“So what are we going to do about Juliette?” Kenji asks, tossing an Automat packet into a bowl. “I’m already worried we waited this long to go after her.” I feel myself pale. I don’t know how to tell him I had no immediate plans to go back out there. Certainly not to fight—not after what happened to James. “I don’t know,” I say. “I’m not sure what we can do.”
My heart constricts just thinking about walking away from him again. But I know I have a responsibility to Juliette. What would she do if I weren’t there to help her? She needs me.
I love Juliette. I really do. I want to help her and support her and be there for her. I want us to have a future together. But sometimes I wonder if it’s ever going to happen. This isn’t easy to admit, but part of me doesn’t want to put James at risk again—on the run again—for a girl who broke up with me. A girl who walked away from us.
I don’t know if my allegiance is to James or Juliette.
“We should’ve gone after her,” Kenji is saying. “I should’ve stayed behind—I should’ve tried to find her—it’s my fault,” he says, hands in his hair, fighting back tears. “It’s my fault she’s dead. I should’ve gone after her—”