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James blinks. His bottom lip trembles and he bites down on it. “Do you know if he’s okay?”
My poor baby
It’s hard for me to believe Juliette could hurt anyone like that.
“Kenji said that I have as much right to know what’s happening down here as everyone else. Kenji never gets mad when I ask questions. He never ignores me. He’s never mean to me, and you’re being m-mean to me, and I don’t like it when you l-laugh at me—”
Awww i love james
but the truth is, I have no idea what’s going on between us anymore.
I’m not ready to give up on that dream yet. I’m not ready to give up on us.
Might as well give up now… she just made out with aaron
I want to be with her so badly, but being with her has never felt more dangerous than it does now. Every day we feel further apart. And sometimes I think the harder I try to hold on, the more she tries to break away.
She does that occasionally—repeats the same word over and over again. I’m not sure she’s even aware of it.
“Oh.” She says that a few times, too. She sounds strange. Scared, even.
she was like a crazed, skittish kitten when I first saw her in that cell—
I loved seeing her come back to life. I loved being with her, watching her find herself.
I can tell she’s only halfway here, because her eyes are unfocused and her hands are moving mechanically. She does this a lot. It’s like sometimes she just disappears, retreats into a corner of her brain and stays there awhile, thinking about something she’ll never talk about.
her face breaking into a wide smile the moment she notices him. It changes her, those smiles. And those are the moments that kill me a little.
“Hi,” she says, so happy so suddenly you’d think James had hung the moon for her.
Well yeah, james is just adorable
James is already blushing. He’d probably eat his own hair if she asked him to.
Can you tell Juliette not to eat my breakfast?” He cranes his neck to catch a glimpse of her, still sitting at the table. “Sometimes she eats my pudding.”
He’s been the only constant in my life for as long as I can remember; I think it’d rip me apart if anything happened to him. I’ll never love anyone the way I love this kid.
when Juliette jumps up and practically tackles him. Just a hug, really, but yikes. A little too soon for that, I think.
Shut up
She’s trying so hard to be okay—to make all this shit be okay—but sometimes it’s like the world just won’t let her. The hits keep coming, and she keeps hurting. I hate it.
“Yeah,” I say, my mood darkening. “Who even knows. I never thought it was a good idea to keep him hostage here. It was an even stupider idea to trust him.”
Oh youll be so mad when you find out about aaron and juliette
I’m glad Kenji’s not dead, but sometimes all I really want to do is kick his ass.
Juliette is frozen, her lips just parted, her eyes wide and horrified. Her reaction feels a little exaggerated.
but suddenly I’m not sure if there isn’t something else. Something she’s not telling me.
She made out with warnerrr
God, she’s so obsessed with him. She has some weird fascination with his twisted life that I don’t understand, and it makes me crazy.
Besides, she’s not his type at all. He’d probably eat her alive.
You sure about that ?
I’m about to laugh—finally, someone who agrees with me—when I see Juliette double over. She steadies herself quickly enough, but she’s blinking fast and breathing hard, eyes up at the ceiling.
I scowl at Kenji and Juliette, jealous of their fancy suits.
Me; an ill, barely-able-to-walk-straight Kenji; and Juliette (who’s officially locked herself in her own head today)—this is our team.
It’s dangerous. It’s not good to make her think she can do this kind of thing when really, it’ll probably get her killed.
Way to have faith in her
weak link can bring everything down with it, and I don’t think this is the time to be taking chances.
She’s like the second coming of James.
Yes. Good. Let her stay behind where she won’t get hurt. “I’ll be okay,” she says. I swear under my breath.
She’s in another world, her eyes cold and sharp, focused on the fire in the distance. She looks different—a little scary, even. Somehow, that worries me even more.
might walk onto that battlefield with a beating heart and be dragged off with a dead one.
three invisible kids walking through the compounds.
Two*
when I hear Kenji shouting my name, his voice scared and urgent. Suddenly I’m invisible and Kenji is screaming at me about Juliette and I don’t know what’s happening but I’m freaking out
I’m one part furious and one part terrified, and the two are having a battle of their own in my mind. I knew this would happen.
Juliette is gone. My chest cracks open.
God, I can’t wait to get my hands on that psychopath. I’m going to enjoy killing him. Slowly. Carefully. Cutting him to pieces one finger at a time.
“Okay then. Let’s go get our girl back.” “My girl,” I correct him. “She’s my girl.”
Not for long
“but we have to get them to the girls as soon as possible. I’m hoping they’ll be able to help.” “The girls are on the battlefield,” Kenji says, eyes wide. “I have no idea where. They insisted on fighting today.”
WRONG
“They tortured the information out of some of our own.” “On the battlefield,” Ian says. “Just before killing them.”
Only then does it hit me. “James.” I don’t recognize my own voice. The horror, the panic, the dread that floods my body is something I’ve never felt—never known before. Not like this. “We have to get James!”
NO JAMESSSSSSS MY BABYY
I feel like my throat is closing up. “He can’t die,” I say, my voice breaking. “I can’t be the reason he dies, Kenji—I can’t. . . .”
Kenji is still talking, but I can hardly hear him. James. Oh God. What have I done.
The tension is so thick it’s practically its own person, taking up a seat we don’t have to spare. I can barely think straight. I’m trying to breathe, trying to stay calm, and I can’t. The planes are already overhead, and I feel sick in a way I don’t know how to explain. It’s deeper than my stomach. Bigger than my heart. More overwhelming than just my mind. It’s like fear has become me; it wears my body like an old suit. Fear is all I have left now.
The dead body of my ten-year-old brother.
NO
The planes get louder as they come closer. I can hear it now. We all can. We’re not even there yet. We hear the bombs explode far off in the distance, and that’s when I feel it: the bones inside of me fracture, little earthquakes breaking me apart. The tank stops.
James is standing in front of me, sobbing, and I don’t know if I’m dreaming.
JAMESSSSSS
James must’ve been terrified. He must’ve been scared out of his mind and still, he snuck out of Omega Point because he wanted to help. Because he wanted to fight alongside us. I could kill him for it. But damn if he’s not one of the bravest people I’ve ever known.
The truth, however, comes back too quickly. It’s bricks on my chest, pressure in my lungs, aches in my joints, and metal in my mouth—reminders of the long day, the longer night, and the boy curled up in my arms. Death and destruction. Slivers of hope.
