Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection

by John T. Cacioppo

loneliness developed as a stimulus to get humans to pay more attention to their social connections, and to reach out toward others, to renew frayed or broken bonds.

A basketball-playing friend of mine used to wander into pickup games while traveling on business. Charlie looks the part—he’s tall and lanky—and in fact he’s pretty good. He was even on some championship teams in school, but he was always just a rebounder and a role player, never a shooter, and certainly never the “go-to guy.” But on one particular day, in an unfamiliar gym in a city far from Charlie’s home, the only thing the other players saw walking onto the court was a new face with some height. The men sorted themselves into teams and began to play, and the first time Charlie got his hands on the ball, he happened to be open just inside the top of the circle, so he took the shot and made it—nothing but net. One or two of his teammates gave him a nod, but no big deal. On their second possession, Charlie once again got the ball in good position, so once again he took the shot, with another beautiful arc that ripped right through the net. More nods this time, combined with a couple of smiles and a high five, but Charlie remained nonchalant—at least in the eyes of the other players. He tried to make it look as if he did this all the time. After all, nobody else knew anything about his twenty-year history of performance anxiety, inevitably passing off to avoid throwing up clunkers under pressure. His teammates were feeling good now—obviously they had a scoring machine on board. And so it went for the next ten minutes. They fed Charlie the ball, he continued to shoot, and h...