How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships

by Leil Lowndes

The moment two humans lay eyes on each other has awesome potency. The first sight of you is a brilliant holograph. It burns its way into your new acquaintance’s eyes and can stay emblazoned in his or her memory forever.

When the doctor smacks your knee with that nasty little hammer, your foot jerks forward. Thus the phrase knee-jerk reaction. Your body has another instinctive reaction. When a big jolt of happiness hits your heart and you feel like a Winner, your head jerks up automatically and you throw your shoulders back. A smile frames your lips and softens your eyes.

A Whatzit is anything you wear or carry that is unusual – a unique pin, an interesting purse, a strange tie, an amusing hat. A Whatzit is any object that draws people’s attention and inspires them to approach you and ask, ‘Uh, what’s that?’ Your Whatzit can be as subtle or overt as your personality and the occasion permit.

Columbusites, prepare some tasty snacks for askers even if you know nothing about them. Here’s a goodie. Tell them you always have to say ‘Columbus, Ohio ’ because in the US there is also a Columbus, Arkansas ; Columbus, Georgia ; Columbus, Indiana ; Columbus, Kansas ; Columbus, Kentucky ; Columbus, Mississippi ; Columbus, Montana ; Columbus, Nebraska ; Columbus, New Jersey ; Columbus, New Mexico ; Columbus, North Carolina ; Columbus, North Dakota ; Columbus, Pennsylvania ; Columbus, Texas ; and Columbus, Wisconsin. That spreads the conversational possibilities to fifteen other states. Remember, as a quotable notable once said, ‘No man would listen to you talk if he didn’t know it was his turn next.’

The last move to make before leaving for the party – even after you’ve given yourself final approval in the mirror – is to turn on the radio news or scan your newspaper. Anything that happened today is good material. Knowing the big-deal news of the moment is also a defensive move that rescues you from putting your foot in your mouth by asking what everybody’s talking about. Foot-in-mouth is not very tasty in public, especially when it’s surrounded by egg-on-face.

In ancient Egypt, the pharaoh treated the humblest message runner like a prince when he arrived at the palace, if he brought good news. However, if the exhausted runner had the misfortune to bring the pharaoh unhappy news, his head was chopped off.

A tennis player can tell immediately from just appraising your opening serve how good a player you are. Is it going to be great playing with you, or a real bore? It’s the same in communicating. Just from your verbal opening serve, someone knows if it’s going to be interesting talking with you about their life or interests – or dull, dull, dull.

Little Strokes are indeed, little. But as every woman knows, they mean a lot. I’ve yet to meet a woman who wouldn’t agree with these lyrics from an old song sung by Kitty Kallen: Blow me a kiss from across the room. Say I look nice when I’m not. Touch my hair as you pass my chair. Little things mean a lot. Send me the warmth of a secret smile To show me you haven’t forgot. For always and ever, now and forever, Little things mean a lot.

In the 1940s, movies were different. Before experimental films, cinema verité, and nouvelle vague, they had stories. Americans hopped in their Buicks – a foxtail tied to the radio antenna and baby boots suspended from the rearview mirror – drove to the movie house, and watched a story unfold before them. Almost invariably, the hero and heroine on the silver screen would meet, fall in love, overcome seemingly impossible obstacles, get married, and (presumably) live happily after. Oh, the stories varied slightly. But there was always a leading man and maybe a leading woman. Then there was the rest of the world. The supporting characters could live or die without much brouhaha. But every minor event in the star’s life was significant.