To avoid the family gridlock of the Big Struggle, or to avoid an ongoing war, it is wise to get into the habit of negotiation. This can take a lot of work, but over time negotiated settlements can usually be reached. The terms of any settlement should be made explicit; at best they should be put into writing so they can be referred to as needed. They should include concrete agreements by all parties as to what is promised, with contingency plans for meeting and not meeting the goals. Let the war end with a negotiated peace.
