Driven to Distraction: Recognizing and Coping with Attention Deficit Disorder

by Edward M. Hallowell

But like most dreamers, they go limp when the dream collapses. Usually, by the time an individual seeks help, this collapse has happened often enough to leave them wary of hoping again.

The treatment of ADD is not passive, not something one reclines to receive. Rather, the treatment is an active process involving work and study.

Attention deficit disorder, or ADD, is sort of like being nearsighted and needing glasses, except the nearsightedness isn’t in our eyes. It’s in how we think. We need glasses for how we think, to help us focus our attention so we won’t daydream so much or change the subject so much or forget things so much or have so much trouble getting organized in the morning or after class.

By taking ADD into account and trying to get rid of long-held negative perceptions of oneself, one rethinks or reshapes one’s self-image; this is the internal restructuring.

And one rearranges the nuts and bolts of one’s daily life, setting up means of improved organization and control; this is the external restructuring.

Structure makes possible the expression of talent. Without structure, no matter how much talent there may be, there is only chaos.

Whether it be the iambic pentameter of Shakespeare or the rhymed couplets of Pope or the rhythm of the long-distance runner or the timing of the short-order cook, all creative expression requires structure.

pattern planning. This system of time management operates on the same principle as automatic withdrawals from your bank account: by making the withdrawals (of money or time) from your account automatic, you don’t have to plan them every time; they just happen. You plug certain regular appointments or obligations into the pattern of your week so you attend to them automatically.

start by making a list of all the regular tasks, obligations, and appointments you have every week—your fixed-time expenditures,

then make a grid of your week on a calendar or appointment book and plug each fixed obligation into a regular time slot.

these regular appointments take root in your subconscious. Thursday afternoon becomes dry cleaners’ time, and after a while you drive to the cleaners almost without thinking about it. Wednesdays and Fridays become work-out time, and not only does the time become automatically reserved for you, but also you do not have to worry about when you will find the time to work out. You have decided in advance, not impulsively, what you want to make enough of a priority to pre-plan, and where to put each such activity or obligation. You know that you will do these things, and you know when you will do them.

1. Be sure of the diagnosis.

2. Educate yourself.

3. Choose a coach.

4. Seek encouragement. ADD adults need lots of encouragement. This is in part due to many self-doubts that have accumulated over the years. But it goes beyond that. More than most people, ADD adults wither without encouragement and thrive when given it. They will often work for another person in a way they won’t work for themselves. This is not “bad,” it just is. It should be recognized and taken advantage of.

Give up guilt over high-stimulus-seeking behavior. Understand that you are drawn to intense stimuli. Try to choose them wisely, rather than brooding over the “bad” ones.

9. Consider joining or starting a support group. Much of the most useful information about ADD has not yet found its way into books but remains stored in the minds of the people who have ADD. In groups this information can come out. Plus, groups are really helpful in giving the kind of support that is so badly needed.

12. Remember that what you have is a neurological condition. It is genetically transmitted. It is caused by biology, by how your brain is wired. It is not a disease of the will, nor a moral failing, nor some kind of neurosis. It is not caused by a weakness in character, nor by a failure to mature. Its cure is not to be found in the power of the will, nor in punishment, nor in sacrifice, nor in pain. Always remember this. Try as they might, many people with ADD have great trouble accepting the syndrome as being rooted in biology rather than weakness of character.

13. Try to help others with ADD. You’ll learn a lot about the condition in the process, as well as feel good to boot.

14. Establish external structure. Structure is the hallmark of the nonpharmacological treatment of the ADD child. It can be equally useful with adults. Once in place, structure works like the walls of the bobsled slide, keeping the speedball sled from careening off the track.

15. Use pizzazz. Try to make your environment as peppy as you want it to be without letting it boil over. If your organization system can be stimulating (imagine that!), instead of boring, then you will be more likely to follow it. For example, in setting things up, try color coding. Mentioned above, color coding deserves emphasis. Many people with ADD are visually oriented. Take advantage of this by making things memorable with color: files, memoranda, texts, schedules, etc. Virtually anything in the black-and-white of type can be made more memorable, arresting, and therefore attention-getting with color.

16. When it comes to paperwork, use the principle of O.H.I.O: Only Handle It Once. When you receive a document or a memo or any kind of written material, try to only handle it once. Either respond to it right away, on the spot, or throw the document away, or file it permanently. Do not put it in a TO DO box or pile. For people with ADD, TO DO piles might just as well be called NEVER DONE piles. They serve as little menaces around one’s desk or room, silently building guilt, anxiety, and resentment, as well as taking up a lot of space. Get in the habit of acting immediately on your paperwork. Make the wrenching decision to throw something away. Or, overcome inertia and respond to it on the spot. Whatever you do with the document, whenever possible, only handle it once.

19. Embrace challenges. ADD people thrive with many challenges. As long as you know they won’t all pan out, as long as you don’t get too perfectionistic and fussy, you’ll get a lot done and stay out of trouble. Far better that you be too busy than not busy enough. As the old saying goes, if you want to get something done, ask a busy person.

20. Make deadlines.

Gotta keep at it. “I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.” ― Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt

21. Break down large tasks into small ones. Attach deadlines to the small parts. Then, like magic, the large task will get done. This is one of the simplest a...

22. Prioritize rather than procrastinate. If you cannot handle it only once (tip 16), then be sure to prioritize. When things get busy, the adult ADD person loses perspective: paying an unpaid parking ticket can feel as pressing as putting out the fire that just got started in the wastebasket. Sometimes one becomes paralyzed. Prioritize. Take a deep breath. Put first things first. Then go on to the second and the third task. Don’t stop. Procrastination is one of the hallmarks of adult ADD. You have to really discipline yourself to watch out for it and avoid it.

23. Accept the fear of things going too well. Accept edginess when things are too easy, when there’s no conflict. Don’t gum things up just to make them more stimulating.

24. Notice how and where you work best: in a noisy room, on the train, wrapped in three blankets, listening to music, whatever. Children and adults with ADD can do their best under rather odd conditions. Let yourself work under whatever conditions are best for you.

Sound deadening headphones, even without music

25. Know that it is OK to do two things at once: carry on a conversation and knit, or take a shower and do your best thinking, or jog and plan a business meeting. Often people with ADD need to be doing several things at once in order to get anything done at all.

29. Read with a pen in hand, not only for marginal notes or underlining, but for the inevitable cascade of “other” thoughts that will occur to you.

32. Choose “good,” helpful addictions, such as exercise. Many adults with ADD have an addictive or compulsive personality such that they are always hooked on something. Try to make this something positive.

33. Understand mood changes and ways to manage these. Know that your moods will change willy-nilly, independent of what’s going on in the external world. Don’t waste your time looking for someone to blame. Focus rather on learning to tolerate a bad mood, knowing that it will pass, and learning strategies to make it pass sooner. Change sets, i.e., get involved with some new activity (preferably interactive), such as a conversation with a friend, or a tennis game, or reading a book.

34. Related to number 33, recognize the following cycle, which is very common among adults with ADD: a. Something “startles” your psychological system, a change or transition, a disappointment or even a success. The precipitant may be quite trivial, nothing more than an everyday event. b. This “startle” is followed by a minipanic with a sudden loss of perspective, the world being set topsy-turvy. c. You try to deal with this panic by falling into a mode of obsessing and ruminating over one or another aspect of the situation. This can last for hours, days, even months. To break the negative obsessing, have a list of friends to call. Have a few videos that always engross you and get your mind off things. Have ready access to exercise. Have a punching bag or pillow handy if there’s extra angry energy. Rehearse a few pep talks you can give yourself, like, “You’ve been here before. These are the ADD blues. They will soon pass. You are OK.”

Watch "The Pimps Lockdown cover of Pulp - Common People" on YouTube https://youtu.be/6v9cEwK0BMg

36. Expect depression after success. People with ADD commonly complain of feeling depressed, paradoxically, after a big success. This is because the high stimulus of the chase or the challenge or the preparation is over. The deed is done. Win or lose, the adult with ADD misses the conflict, the high stimulus, and feels depressed.

Pretty difficult to deal with all the successful stress of "putting together a puzzle of an estimate"

38. Use “time-outs,” as with children. When you are upset or overstimulated, take a time-out. Go away. Calm down.

43. Exercise vigorously and regularly. You should schedule exercise into your life and stick with it. It helps you work off excess energy and aggression in a positive way, it allows for noise reduction within the mind, it stimulates the hormonal and neurochemical system in a most therapeutic way, and it soothes and calms the body. When you add all that to the well-known health benefits of exercise, you can see how important exercise is. Make it something fun so you can stick with it over the long haul, i.e., the rest of your life. One particular form of exercise, sexual activity, is very good for ADD.

48. Don’t stay too long where you aren’t understood or appreciated. Just as people with ADD gain a great deal from supportive groups, they are particularly drained and demoralized by negative groups, and they have a tendency to stay with them too long, vainly trying to make things work out, even when all the evidence shows they can’t.

49. Pay compliments. Notice other people. In general, get social training if you’re having trouble getting along with people.

The model for ADD that seems to fit best from our point of view, however, comes from the school of thought that thinks more in terms of inhibition and disinhibition than motivation or arousal. Chelune, Gualtieri, Lou, and a number of other researchers and clinicians have framed ADD as an inability to stop receiving messages rather than as an inability to receive the right messages. These people always feel a press for the next thing and the next thing and the next thing. The ADD individual is captive to the events of the external world. Although the difference may seem semantic, it is significant in the way we describe ADD. It stresses that the positive components of the syndrome will assist the problematic ones. Instead of framing the syndrome as an inability to pay attention to cues, this definition focuses on the ability of someone with ADD to pay attention to many more cues than the average person. Instead of describing ADD as an inability to concentrate, this model presents it as the ability to concentrate on everything. The world always is alive and ripe with sources of interest. This analysis is supported by the scientific findings and also has the benefit of removing the stigma of laziness and the burden of guilt with which ADD people have struggled most of their lives. It allows them to start considering their strengths, rather than dwelling on weaknesses.

If ADD is a problem with inhibiting, we can understand the phenomenon of time collapsing in on itself for people with ADD: instead of being able to carve out discrete activities that would create a sensation of separate moments, the person cannot stop the relentless flow of events. Everything runs together, unbraked, uninhibited. We hear the ADD adult so painfully describing the verbal rush, the inability to stop the words, and the verbal paralysis, or stuttering, derived from the inability to stop the thoughts long enough to find the words. The social intrusiveness that is so characteristic of those who have ADD is the inability to stop at the other’s boundaries. The failure to form intimate relationships is the inability to pause long enough even to listen to the other person, let alone to understand and respect the other’s needs. The impulsivity, the lack of planning, and the outbursts are the inability to restrain the flow of action and feeling.

ADHD Coaches Organization 701 Hunting Place Baltimore, MD 21229 (888) 638-3999 Fax: (410) 630-6991 www.adhdcoaches.org

Support Groups CHADD runs a wide network of volunteer chapters across the nation. The most recent list can be found at www.chadd.org/localchapters. If you are interested in starting a CHADD group in your area or have questions about one of their chapters, please contact their national offices at (800) 233-4050.