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January 2, 2020 - May 17, 2022
A codependent person is one who has let another person’s behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior.
Codependents are reactionaries. They overreact. They under-react. But rarely do they act.
detachment is releasing, or detaching from, a person or problem in love.
Detachment is based on the premises that each person is responsible for himself, that we can’t solve problems that aren’t ours to solve, and that worrying doesn’t help.
The rewards from detachment are great: serenity; a deep sense of peace; the ability to give and receive love in self-enhancing, energizing ways; and the freedom to find real solutions to our problems.
Most codependents are reactionaries. We react with anger, guilt, shame, self-hate, worry, hurt, controlling gestures, caretaking acts, depression, desperation, and fury. We react with fear and anxiety. Some of us react so much it is painful to be around people, and torturous to be in large groups of people. It is normal to react and respond to our environment.
We keep ourselves in a crisis state—adrenaline flowing and muscles tensed, ready to react to emergencies that usually aren’t emergencies. Someone does something, so we must do something back. Someone says something, so we must say something back. Someone feels a certain way, so we must feel a certain way. WE JUMP INTO THE FIRST FEELING THAT COMES OUR WAY AND THEN WALLOW IN IT. We think the first thought that comes into our heads and then elaborate on it.
When we react we forfeit our personal, God-given power to think, feel, and behave in our best interests.
We don’t have to be so afraid of people. They are just people like us.
world. Feelings are important, but they’re only feelings. Thoughts are important, but they’re only thoughts—and we all think a lot of different things, and our thoughts are subject to change.
We don’t have to take other people’s behaviors as reflections of our self-worth.
We don’t have to take rejection as a reflection of our self-worth.
We don’t have to take things so personally.
We don’t have to take little things personally either.
day. If people don’t want to be with us or act healthy, it is not a reflection on our self-worth.
Leave things alone, and let people be who they are.
1. Learn to recognize when you’re reacting, when you are allowing someone or something to yank your strings.
2. Make yourself comfortable.
3. Examine what happened. If it’s a minor incident, you may be able to sort through
4. Figure out what you need to do to take care of yourself.
