How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big: Kind of the Story of My Life

by Scott Adams

I’ve noticed that an alarming number of people have adopted the asshole lifestyle and decided it works well enough to stay on that path. While the word “asshole” usually makes you think of males, in this context I mean it to be gender inclusive. There’s no single, agreed definition of what it means to be an asshole. It might include selfishness, arrogance, mean-spiritedness, or any number of other character flaws. You know asshole behavior when you see it. And if you’re normal, you’ve probably been one for at least a few minutes of your life. I would define an asshole as anyone who chooses to make the lives of others less pleasant for reasons that don’t appear productive or necessary. Asshole behaviors: Changing the subject to him/herself Dominating conversation Bragging Cheating, lying Disagreeing with any suggestion, no matter how trivial Using honesty as a justification for cruelty Withholding simple favors out of some warped sense of social justice Abandoning the rules of civil behavior, such as saying hello or making eye contact I assume asshole behavior exists because it feels good when you do it. In that sense it’s like an addiction. The long-term effect of being an asshole can’t be good for the person immersed in the lifestyle, but it must feel good in the short term. That’s a bad trade-off. Your self-interest is best served by being a reasonable person whenever you can muster it.