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Pick story topics that your listeners will relate to.
Your story isn’t a story unless something unexpected or unusual happens. That’s the plot twist.
It’s important to tell stories about interesting events.
Smile, ask questions, avoid complaining and sad topics, and have some entertaining stories ready to go.
That makes some sense because shyness is caused by an internal feeling that you are not worthy to be in the conversation.
You should also try to figure out which people are thing people and which ones are people people.
Once you know whether you are dealing with a thing person or a people person, you can craft your conversation to his or her sweet spot.
Being outgoing is partly genetic, but you still need to know what to say when.
I also recommend exercising your ego the way you’d exercise any other muscle.
No matter how smart you are, educated people will think you’re a moron if your grammar is lacking.
If you get “were”/“was” grammar wrong, it’s a red flag to people who know the difference.
Bad grammar isn’t the worst flaw you could have, but when you consider how easily you can fix it, the effort-to-reward ratio is excellent.
You don’t want to persuade people to do things that are not in their best interest. And it might feel creepy and manipulative if you find yourself too skilled at persuasion.
Because Would you mind . . . ? I’m not interested. I don’t do that. I have a rule . . . I just wanted to clarify . . . Is there anything you can do for me? Thank you This is just between you and me.
people are more cooperative when you ask for a favor using a sentence that includes the word because, even if the reason you offer makes little or no sense.
“Would you mind . . .”
“I’m not interested.”
There’s no argument against a lack of interest. Repeat your claim of disinterest as often as it takes to end the conversation.
“I don’t do that.”
“I have a rule
People tend to double down when challenged, no matter how wrong they are.
If you phrase your clarification question correctly, it will shine an indirect light on the problem and provide a face-saving escape path.
We all find ourselves in situations where an organization or person is preventing us from achieving whatever it is that
we perceive as just and fair.
You know that if you get angry and demanding the person you’re dealing with might stick to the rules and try to brush you off. The most powerful way to approach a situation like this is to ask, “Is there anything you can do for me?” You will discover it to be an extraordinarily persuasive question.
“Thank you”
The trainer admitted that the key to her superior results with dogs was partly snack quality.
If you want people to like you, for business or for your personal life, pay special attention to the quality of your thanks.
It’s the sort of thing people remember when they decide whom they want to work with, pick for a team, or invite to a party. It seems like a small thing, but it isn’t.
Research shows that people will automatically label you a friend if you share a secret.
Sharing a confidence is a fast-track way to cause people to like and trust you.
Right: “I probably shouldn’t admit this, but every time Jane serves her dip I only pretend to like it because everyone else says it’s to die for.”
The world is a complicated place, and often we’re only guessing which path will be best. Anyone who is confident in the face of great complexity is insane.
Decisiveness looks like leadership.
Don’t confuse your artificial sense of decisiveness with a need to be right all of the time. Life is messy and you’re going to be right only sometimes.
Energy is contagious.
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Reasonable people generally cave in to irrational people because it seems like the path of least resistance.
For example, you might demand that a deal be closed before the holidays so you can announce it to your family as a holiday present.
I think most people hold back their full powers of persuasion because it doesn’t feel good to be manipulative.
Sadly, we do not live in a world where good arguments always win.
In some cases you have a moral obligation to be manipulative if you know it will create a good result for all involved.
Every adult should have a basic understanding of how the Internet works, the steps involved in building a Web site, what the “cloud” is, and of course how to use personal computers, smart phones, tablets, etc.
It’s a good idea to master technology at what I would call a hobby level.
Technology is part of the fabric of civilization, and you need to jack into it if you haven’t already. Learn the basics and you’ll be a lot happier.
It’s important to keep a lot of distance between your fun voice and your persuasive voice.
But research shows that voice quality is far more important to your overall health and happiness than you might imagine.
Studies show a commanding voice is highly correlated with success.
One of the strangest patterns I noticed during my corporate career was that many of the higher-level managers seemed to have distinctive, interesting voices that commanded attention and gave an inexplicable weight to everything they said.
