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“But you’re not giving me command.” “But I’m not giving you command.” “How about a raise?” “Not that either,” Fred said. “Well, heck,” Bull said. “All the responsibility and none of the power? How can I turn down an offer like that?” “No joking. We’re screwing you over, and the reasons are all optics and political bullshit. But I need you to take it.” “So I’ll take it,” Bull said.
It was a lesson he’d never forgotten. That humans only have so much emotional energy. No matter how intense the situation, or how powerful the feelings, it was impossible to maintain a heightened emotional state forever. Eventually you’d just get tired and want it to end.
Miller had paused, his face bleak and apologetic. Holden wondered how many other people had looked at that exact expression on Miller’s face. It seemed designed to go with words like There’s been an accident and The DNA matches your son’s.
“It’s not your fault.” “But it is my problem.
He saw his coming death, and wasn’t afraid of it anymore. He’d miss all the good stuff to follow, but he’d help make it happen. And a very good person loved him. It was more than most people got in a lifetime.
If he was sad about anything, it was that everything that was in motion now would keep on being in motion without him, and he’d never know how it went. Never know if anything he’d done had made a difference.
The universe kept waiting until he was thoroughly beaten, then tossing him a nibble of hope only to yank it away again.