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Kindle Notes & Highlights
Flatter generously. Criticize scantily.
Hence, we are always in need of depositing into the emotional bank balance that lies in people’s hearts. The husband should look for opportunities to deposit into his wife’s heart and continue to increase his points.
If a beloved comes with one vice, His virtues come to the rescue with a thousand intercessors
shoulders
Pick the best words to speak just as you would pick the best fruits to eat...
“For me to walk along with my brother to fulfill his need is more beloved to me than to make I’tikaf in this mosque of mine for a month.” (al-Tabari, Hasan)
Not everyone who asks for a loan can be helped. Not everyone who asks you to accompany him on a journey can be responded to positively. Not everyone who asks you, even for something as minor as a pen or a watch, can be helped.
If someone asks you for a favor which you cannot do, then at least refuse with kind words.
“By Allah, dear brother, I wish to serve you with all my heart, and you are more beloved to me than many others. However, I fear that my time will be restricted. I have a few things to do which
would prevent me from fulfilling your request.”
“I consider you to be one of my own brothers. You are of the most precious people to me. However, I am particularly busy tonight.”
A Hadith... The Prophet (Peace and Blessings of Allah be upon him) was asked, “What are the most common reasons for which people enter Hell?” He replied, “This and this.” Meaning, the private parts and the tongue.
The first step is to supplicate to Allah that he guides you to the best of manners and character.
People generally tend to like others supplicating for them. They delight when you greet them upon meeting them and then supplicate for them. So when you say, “How are you doing? What’s the latest?” You should also say, “May Allah keep you safe. May He bless you. May He keep your heart firm.”
Enlightenment… “Your Lord has said, “Call me, and I will answer you...””
We tend to be experts at noticing other people’s faults and commenting on them. But we rarely tend to be experts on noticing the good they have and the right things they do in order to comment positively.
A point of view... Be optimistic and have good opinion of people. Encourage them so they give more.
Being cheerful attracts people, as does not frowning. Beautiful words, interesting comments and jokes attract people, as does listening attentively to others and reacting to their words.
Yes, some people do not tend to speak much. You never get to hear their voice in gatherings and congregations. In fact, if you notice them in a sitting, you will see that they only move their head or eyes. They may move their mouth from time to time, but only when smiling, without saying a word! Despite this, people love them and long to sit in their company.
‘calm attraction’ effect.
The third person knows how to listen attentively. You notice that as you speak, he fixes his gazes on you. You realize that he is carefully following your words. Sometimes he shakes his head
in agreement, sometimes he smiles and sometimes he presses his lips out of surprise. Sometimes, he might say, “Amazing! SubhanAllah!”
Therefore, to listen attentively to others is a skill in and of itself. Some people forget that Allah has only given them one tongue while he has given them two ears - so that they may hear more than they speak.
Train yourself to listen to others attentively. If you do have criticisms to make, then do not be hasty in making them.
Hence, be an expert listener. Listen attentively. Move your head to indicate you are following the conversation. React by demonstrating facial expressions, like furrowing your forehead, raising your eyebrows, smiling, or moving your lips in surprise. Notice how it affects the person who is addressing you, be he young or old. You will find that he focuses on you even more.
Result... Our expertise in listening attentively to others makes them profound in their love for us.
Try to avoid argumentation as much as possible. Do not be angry if someone criticizes you and tries to argue with you. Relax as much as you can and do not upset yourself contemplating the intention of the one who criticizes you, thinking, “What does he want? Why did he embarrass me in front of others?” Do not kill yourself with anxiety. Deal with the situation calmly. Winds only blow away small rocks - and you are a mountain!
A thought... Intelligence is not to win an argument, it is to avoid it.
This includes the hastiness on behalf of some to comment on someone’s words as he speaks, or interrupting him without thinking twice, which only results in hostile argumentation and people harboring ill feelings towards each other.
Stop thinking about this and just pray over the deceased who is in front of you, as they say. What I mean is that when we deal with people’s mistakes, we should not busy ourselves thinking about what others should do, but rather, we should focus on what we
should do. Whenever you wish to say something strange, some people may hastily comment on your words. It is important that you do not give them an opportunity to do so, by answering their questions before they even ask.
Advice...
Have them for lunch before they eat you for dinner!
A general view...
Allah has said, “Man is hasty”. Be careful not to allow your hastiness to overtake your thoughtfulness.
A gesture is enough to understand... A large morsel of food requires much chewing before swallowing.
Therefore... If you seriously want a change, then begin right now!
