Clear Winter Nights: A Journey into Truth, Doubt, and What Comes After

by Trevin K. Wax

I realized all this talk about trusting Jesus and being a true child of God meant that whatever God said about His Son, He could say about me. He loved me—Gilbert Walker! Not because I was smart or special or had great talents or gifts. It wasn’t because I was living the ‘good Christian life’ I was trying so hard to get right. He just looked at me and loved me. He delighted in me like a father delighting in his children. It suddenly all made sense.” Gil felt his eyes moistening, but his voice sounded stronger than it had all evening. “And I saw how deep my sin was. How foolish I was to try and fix myself. How silly my attempts at being a good man looked compared to King Jesus. And then I saw grace. I could look through Jesus’s righteousness and hear God say, ‘You are My beloved son, Gil. In you I am well pleased.’ And here I hadn’t even done anything. Hadn’t lived right. Hadn’t loved right. Hadn’t even had the right motive for going to church and reading my Bible. But He loved me anyway. Loved me when I was prideful and self-righteous and using people. Loved me when I was trying my best to earn His approval.” Gil’s voice cracked, but he quickly recovered. “And the tears started just rolling down my cheeks. I knelt down by my bed, confessed every sin I could think of, and I just said over and over again, ‘Thank You, Jesus. I’m Yours, Jesus. Whatever You want, Jesus.’ And in the back of my mind, I heard God’s voice clear as day, like an echo in a canyon: ‘I delight in you, G...