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Kindle Notes & Highlights
by
Sarina Bowen
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April 19 - April 19, 2015
Meanwhile, we played video games in Graham’s basement like it was our job. And there was a different way that we looked at each other when we were alone. Graham has always blushed easily. In time I realized how easy it was to make him do that. All I had to do was hold his eyes a little longer than necessary, and pink spots would appear on his cheekbones. I liked that. So I did it all the time.
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Our first kiss was hot and sloppy, and it lit my body up like a flare. Yes. This. Yes. Yes. Yes. It was all shock and awe for maybe two minutes.
☆ Todd and 3 other people liked this
There is nothing so explosive as two horny, fifteen-year-old boys finally getting a taste of something they both crave. As we made out, Graham rode me with his hips. The motion, and the feel of his hard body pressing down on me was better than any of the fantasies I’d cooked up every half hour since our first kiss.
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But I was always aware of him. When he walked into a room, I felt him, like a change in the air pressure. Just an oblique glimpse of him was all it took to put me on high alert. I didn’t want to be so sensitive to him. It’s just that I didn’t know how to stop. We’d been so close all those years ago. My subconscious just couldn’t get over the idea that we weren’t anymore.
☆ Todd and 1 other person liked this
I used to love to make him laugh. And I didn’t know how to quit listening for it.
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What Rikker and I were to each other was so far past the notion of casual experimentation that it wasn’t even funny. And it didn’t matter that we’d never had sex, or even gotten up the courage to blow each other. The more I read, the better I understood that this one was of those times when the spirit of the law meant more than the letter of the law.
☆ Todd and 1 other person liked this
Over the last five years, I built and polished a set of personal deflector shields that I engaged every time I spoke to a really attractive man. I was careful not to stare, and I knew how to affect the kind of body language that conveyed only polite interest. But Rikker was hell on my deflector shields. When he was around, nothing worked right. My eyes went where they weren’t supposed to go, and I felt the thrum of expectation just from breathing the same air that he did.
☆ Todd liked this
mess we were: one gay guy who tried to be out, and it had only led to disaster. And one… I didn’t want to classify Graham. Only Graham could classify Graham. But whatever Graham was, he didn’t make it look easy.
aria ‧₊˚☾ ✩ ˎˊ˗ and 1 other person liked this
Sitting in a room with him was still trippy. It was like watching a video of my old life. I could see it and hear it, but not touch.
aria ‧₊˚☾ ✩ ˎˊ˗ and 2 other people liked this
And it was Graham. My Graham. Those familiar blue eyes were half-mast with lust, and his golden skin was flushed with desire. For me. There was nothing like it.
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If you stripped away all the confusion and the old heartaches, I’d had an almost perfect day. And this right here was pretty much all I’d ever wanted from Graham. I wanted his friendship, and then I wanted him to reach for me at the end of the night. So for those few minutes, I had everything.
☆ Todd liked this
My arms were full of this beautiful boy, and each time I pressed my lips against him, it felt like coming home.
☆ Todd and 1 other person liked this
Before, I was so used to being lonely that I’d barely noticed. My teammates were always around. But Rikker was the only person alive who knew my secrets. In bed with him, I talked more freely than I ever did with anyone else. I joked more. I felt lighter. I was in love with Rikker, and had been forever. I didn’t tell him, though. I mean, this is me we’re talking about here. The usual coward. Rikker would have liked to hear it, I’m sure. And I would have liked to hear it back. But me being me, that wasn’t going to happen.
☆ Todd liked this
I laughed, because that was just so easy to do when I was with him. God, I had it so bad for Rikker. Whenever we were alone, the world shrank down to a manageable size. In his company I became my real self. And it wasn’t just the sex. We might be arguing about the NHL entry draft, or dining hall food. It was all just right.
☆ Todd liked this
“I missed you today,” he purred. “And yesterday, too.”
I still didn’t want to be… that way. I didn’t want people to see me as a stereotype. Faggot. Queen. Fairy. I didn’t feel like any of those things, and I didn’t want to be called those names. I just wanted to be Michael Graham. It’s just that Michael Graham was attracted to men. And always had been.
☆ Todd liked this
I watched with greedy eyes. Every since I could remember wanting anyone, I’d wanted him. I never had a choice in the matter. There was never a moment when I said, “okay, I’ve decided to choose Rikker over the entire female population.” In fact, I’d wasted a whole lot of time trying not to want him. But the desire I carried for him came from someplace deep.
☆ Todd liked this
“Because I love you, you stupid fuck. And I always have. It’s not always so convenient, loving you. But when you climb out of that thick blond head of yours for a few minutes, you’re a hell of a lot of fun. And you’re loyal, too, in that tortured way of yours.”
☆ Todd and 1 other person liked this
“Getting along together was never the problem with you and me,” he said. “We’re both easy. It’s just the rest of the world that’s hard.”
2kasmom and 3 other people liked this
“I used to dream about sleeping with you. In Michigan, I mean. Just like this.” My throat got tight. “Me too.” “Yeah? I don’t mean sex. Well, I dreamed about that, too. Plenty. But when I got in bed every night, I wished you were there. You know I love you, right?” “Yeah,” I choked out. I was happy that the lights were out, so that he couldn’t see my eyes shining again. “Goodnight, G.” “Goodnight, Rik.”
☆ Todd liked this
Right then, a little light went on inside my thick head. I already knew that my refusal to come out had hurt Rikker. But until that moment, I don’t think I ever understood that it had hurt me, too. Because the cost of avoiding unfriendly eyes wasn’t nearly as great as the cost of forgoing even one of Rikker’s hugs.
☆ Todd liked this
“You’re it,” I whispered. “A perfect ten on the Rikker scale.”
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