The Martian

by Andy Weir

steady, obnoxious beeping that eventually roused me from a deep and profound desire to just fucking die.

Toilet of Doom.

sacrificed 20 liters of precious water to the dirt gods.

big container o’ shit

Chemistry, being the sloppy bitch it is,

chipped his sacred religious item into long splinters using a pair of pliers and a screwdriver.

All my brilliant plans foiled by thermodynamics. Damn you, Entropy!

box o’ pee

Look! A pair of boobs! -> (.Y.)

I’m a full-grown man who only occasionally wears diapers

no amount of careful design by NASA can get around a determined arsonist with a tank of pure oxygen.

The subtle and refined “hurl my body at the wall” technique had some flaws.

Duct tape is magic and should be worshiped.

As with most of life’s problems, this one can be solved by a box of pure radiation.

physical law is a pushy little shit,

I spent the day taking drugs and playing with radiation.

Pythagoras is a dick.

by “enjoying” I mean “hating so much I want to kill people.”