When we first fall in love, the self-expansion due to including another in our lives is rapid. Research on marriage, however, shows that after a few years the relationship becomes much less satisfying, but good communication slows that decline and, with the individuation process just described, the decline can be even further slowed, or reversed. My husband and I did research that uncovered another way of increasing satisfaction. In several studies of married and dating couples, we found that the pairs felt more satisfied with their relationships if they did things together that they defined
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