The chivalrous man who holds a door open or signals a woman to go ahead of him when he’s driving is negotiating both status and connection. The status difference is implied by a metamessage of control: The woman gets to proceed not because it is her right but because he has granted her permission, so she is being framed as subordinate. Furthermore, those in a position to grant privileges are also in a position to change their minds and take them away. This is the dimension to which some women respond when they protest gallant gestures as “chauvinist.” Those who appreciate such gestures as
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