This Time You Return To Yourself

by Duduzile Noeleen Ngwenya

you never needed to do anything to be enough

it’s going to be so lovely to see you embrace that you were fearfully and wonderfully made

the kind of love that gives your heart the guarantee that it’s safe now.

it pains me to know that I’ve always been enough and didn’t live up to it.

you did enough today just like you always do

Who taught you that you were hard to love?

it’ll always be like this. No matter how much you get yourself to think otherwise. No matter how long you stay.

I wish I wasn’t familiar with this feeling but maybe I am just so I don’t let myself go through it with someone else ever again

One day it’ll dawn on you, that you were worthy of intentional love, and you never had to do anything out of character to deserve it. One day it’ll dawn on you, that you’ve never had to dim your light to make theirs shine brighter. On that day, my beloved, it will make sense why it never worked out when you tried so damn hard.

the truth is letting go of the wrong person you’ve grown to love will not be easy whenever it feels like you made a mistake by releasing them remember to love yourself more

If you want closure so badly remember the nights you soaked your pillow with tears because of them.

give yourself time to grieve what you had with them they once meant a great deal to you but remember that isn’t a good enough reason to return to them

it is unfair, that after giving every part of your soul to people who only gave in crumbs, you’re still the one to piece yourself together. it is unfair, that even when you’ve accepted that you will not get an apology for being so hurt, you still long for one. it is unfair, that even when they’ve showed you their true colours, you still believe that love is enough to make them change for you.

to my present self should anyone ever make you feel like you’re hard to love, or unlovable, I need you to remember that I’ve loved you from the beginning and it was easy for me

the person you are now deserves as much love as the one you want to be

only you know the strength it took to get through this day only you know the number of times you had to remind yourself to breathe and that everything was going to be okay only you know what it took to be here acknowledge that

Some days you’re not going to feel okay. Those days will be longer than the others;

One day, you’ll talk about it without getting teary. You’ll narrate how it happened, and your voice won’t break anymore. It’ll feel unreal that you can think about that person or thing that hurt you so much, without feeling like you can’t handle it. On that day, you’ll know that you’ve reached a season of healing you thought would take longer for you to get to.

the more you resist pain the harder it is to get through it

you deserve to have someone show up for you countless times even if that someone is yourself

to my inner child you’re safe now

to my present self remember to be here I need you here the past has had its fair share of you the future is yet to have you so for now just be here

Replay the painful event until you don’t anymore.

you didn’t have to do more to make them stay they just didn’t belong with you

what if it works out this time? what if it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you? what if it makes you happier than you’ve ever been? what if you don’t need to be on guard this time around? what if you can make it work?

I see someone who longs for the gentler side of life, and that is not a weakness.

most times, things are not as bad as your mind tells you

those who are meant to stay will stay

in the end, I hardly lose anyone… they lose me.

remember to take care of you you are where you live you are your home

when people mistreat you, it’s not a reflection of what you deserve, but their lack and inability to hold a soul like yours.