This Time You Return To Yourself

by Duduzile Noeleen Ngwenya

you had to fight to get to where you are that is worth your acknowledgement

someday, you’ll let your guard down and it won’t be something you live to regret. because you’d have found the one who makes it easy to think you’ll never need to be on guard again.

Give yourself time. Replay the painful event until you don’t anymore.

this time was different even though I loved you even though I wanted to keep you for longer even though it felt like you were my only chance for a change I chose me

Today, I give myself permission. to be happy about the little things that make me think life isn’t that bad. to hurt all over again over what I thought I had healed from. to miss the relationships, I outgrew and still, trust the decision I made to move on from them. Today I give myself permission to be anything I’d like to be and to feel every emotion I get to experience, at my own pace.

what if it works out this time? what if it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you? what if it makes you happier than you’ve ever been? what if you don’t need to be on guard this time around? what if you can make it work? think of that more often

I see a warrior who, for a good reason, is tired of fighting for everything they wish to hold onto. I see someone who longs for the gentler side of life, and that is not a weakness.

you just need to love and embrace the person you’ve become even after all you had to endure.

it’s high time you learn when you need to stop trying

how people feel about you will always be reflected by their actions

learn not to ever settle for bare minimum connections when you know that you want something full and grounded

most times, things are not as bad as your mind tells you

I am learning that I have a lot to offer and I’m the type that goes all in. So, in the end, I hardly lose anyone… they lose me.