A Friend in the Dark

by Samantha M. Bailey

Every time I hear your name Floodgates open, blood it rains I can see where I went wrong But you can’t leave while I’m not strong “Run & Hide” by the Watchmen Lyrics by Joey Serlin

Bitter, salty tears roll down my cheeks and into my mouth. They might be the last thing I ever taste. And it’s all my fault.

I’m in agony, and I can’t tell if it’s from heartburn or heartache.

My broken family is the first thing I’ve ever actually failed at,

I don’t understand what I did wrong or how the man who once blushed and stammered every time he spoke to me could give me up without a fight.

She was also flush with the radiant glow of youth and hope that’s disappeared with age and responsibility.

I’d been raised to believe that achievements took precedence over emotions.

Dave would lean against the arm, my head in his lap, as we read whatever books we’d chosen for each other that month.

Dave seemed to be doing everything he could not to be alone with me. No matter what I did, everyone got his attention but me. Eventually I gave up trying because feeling unwanted is worse than no intimacy at all.

Maybe the way forward is by going backward. Or I’m a glutton for punishment.

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she sports her half smile—the one I both love and loathe in equal measure because it frustrates me with its ambivalence.

It’s like I’m the person I wish I could have been with him years ago. The person perhaps both Dave and Ava wish I were.

To me, the endless possibilities are terrifying. I’ve always had a checklist: receive a college degree, get married, have a child, build a home, be settled. It soothed me in its predictability;

I wanted to be alone with my misery, embarrassed that the perfect life I’d created wasn’t so perfect after all.

It felt like a betrayal to talk about him with people who know us both.

She’d inquire about my life as though checking it off a list. I was a commitment, not a fulfillment, for her.

Why feel sad if you don’t have to?

There’s time to fix what’s broken in me.

I hung on to that compliment like a lifeline.

She told me I wasn’t wired to take on a bad boy.

I can’t hold on to what I’ve already lost.

The fantasy of getting caught and the reality of it are different.

I’m not sure how I feel about him anymore. I’ve been so hurt and angry, forcing myself to go numb so I won’t collapse from the agony of losing my best friend.

a meaningless greeting does nothing to salve the wound he opened.

It’s shocking how quickly life splinters into before and after.

I don’t want to be anything like you, afraid of what everyone else thinks.”

I lean against the wall, for the support I can’t ask for from him.

But now, as the sheen of this new relationship becomes tarnished, I realize it’s the same thing he did in college: Catch and release. With me as prey.

My every instinct is screaming at me to hang up. But I don’t.

You question my intentions when you shouldn’t have any expectations here. I wanted this to make us feel free, but now it’s like I’m not following some set of rules that I never agreed to. It’s a turnoff. Even my wife wasn’t this needy.” His delivery is cold. His sharp words pierce my heart.

He breathes out so heavily that I feel it in my own body.

I want to pretend I’m not an adult dealing with adult problems.

Being alone is better than letting anyone lead me around on a leash.

I’m too devastated to cry, too tired to eat.

She can either walk away or wait until he’s ready to speak. Both actions would be a mistake.

she removes her fingers from her face, then looks up into his green eyes, which change from hypnotizing to terrifying depending on to whom he’s speaking.

I’ll tell you when I need something.”

suspects he might have left the toolbox at the edge of the roof on purpose—to end a career that was going nowhere without having to admit that fact aloud.

But bringing an innocent child into their house of horrors is a trauma she could never inflict.

Grief rises swiftly to her throat, and Olivia swallows it down before it chokes her.

She’s tucked all her memories of her brother into her mind, where his voice lives, and transports herself there every moment she can.

The scream that tore from Olivia’s throat was so piercing that she thought the windows would shatter. She wanted them to shatter. She wanted everything around her, especially her husband, to break into jagged little pieces like she just had. Because she knew he’d done this.

with Alistair gone, all she had left to lose was her own life, which meant nothing to her anymore.

It’s amazing how much someone can hide behind the comforting glow of a lamp through a covered window. How deceiving looks can be.

But now that Olivia’s been living instead of merely existing, he has every reason to try to trap her in a lie. She has to outmaneuver him.

More attuned to the sound of footsteps than Justin, because she’s spent her life listening to learn how close in proximity both her father and husband are to her, Olivia hears the click of heels before he does.

I ignored every red flag because I wanted to be desired so much.

He taps on my phone, my only link to the beautiful life I’d do anything to return to.