Bride (Bride, #1)

by Ali Hazelwood

Misery?”

Is her name really misery what the fuck

Misery Lark?

Sorry this is a stupid fucking name

Pupils, widening. Brow, furrowing. Nostrils, flaring.

I’m gonna take a wild guess and say this something abt mates

“You,” he says, voice deep, almost too low to hear. “How the fuck do you smell like this?”

I love being right

The river that slices The City into North and South—us, and them. Only a few hundred feet separate the Nest from Were territory, but the riverbank is littered with outlook towers, checkpoints, and guard posts, heavily monitored twenty-four seven.

Naturally. And it’s only this city in the entire world of course

Lowe Moreland.”

these names are fucking stupid

Because, yeah. I guess I’m getting married.

I’m assuming Lowe has some connection to Serena

“Yeah, but indirectly. By making health insurance too expensive or stubbornly opposing gun control.

Oh look at her she’s so well informed and Woke

What sets us apart has less to do with the occult, and more with spontaneous genetic mutations thousands of years down the line.

BORING why are we reinventing the vampire… sorry, vampyre

I stink—could

I’m sure this is coming up later

That, and how I apparently smell like rotten eggs.

1. He didn’t tell you that this is just a romance plot device to brought up later when it’s revealed you’re mates and 2. Why do you even care I thought your whole thing was not giving a fuck abt others opinions of you

“It must have been a moment of confusion. She cannot be your—”

mate. I’m rolling my eyes

short distance away, two children are bawling. They are toddlers, one with dark skin and lilac eyes, the other pale and blue-eyed. A Vampyre and a Were.

fuck them kids bro

“I smell like sewers or something?” It cannot be easy for him, being this close to me. He stiffens. Then relaxes. I think he won’t reply until his terse “Or something.”

whatever

“You Vampyre bitch!” Hundreds of gasps, and a sharp blade making its way toward my throat, my jugular, and—

This makes no sense to me tbh. Why is she bullied and ppl try to kill her? Like ??

Then, about three days after taking home thirteen pounds of asshole from the shelter, she vanished into the ether.

So she’s either dead tragically or went to search for something and the cat was left to keep Misery company

stan,

ew.

“You should punish her.” I snort out a laugh. “Yes, Lowe. Spank me and take away my TV privileges.”

Ew

Despite the fan fiction Max and Juno have been writing about me, I do not usually plot the demise of children.”

this is... a sentence

His eyes close briefly and he grits out, “I doubt there are any expectations of virginity on your part.” “Fantastic. I love surprising people.”

lmaoo pls of course she’s a virgin

“Your cat is welcome among us,” Lowe says. If that’s not a jab, nothing else is. “Wonder how that feels,” I say breezily, and slip out of the room without glancing at him again.

Damnnn

“So far, Humans are worse. They do shit like burning the Amazon rainforest or leaving the toilet seat up at night. Anyway, anything you need from me?”

Something abt the way this is just dropped in rubs me the wrong way. Like the gun control comment earlier

My husband, I discover, wears size fourteen shoes.

Oh he’s so big! Omg guys look at this BIG man

An additional intraocular muscle that allows us to shift our eyes at high speed and induce a hypnotic state.

blah blah

“Liliana Esther Moreland!

there is it

“It’s not possible. They…No. Not both.” Why is he silent? Why is he not correcting me? “Genetically, it’s not…Is it?” “Apparently.”

Of course it’s possible- how else will you have his kids in the epilogue

“Ah. My feet?” I shiver, but it’s not cold. Now that I think about it, this place hasn’t been cold in days.

He changed the temp for you. Obviously

All of a sudden, his pupils are as large as the irises. Lowe abruptly turns his head in the opposite direction. The tendons of his neck stretch, and his Adam’s apple bobs. “You should leave,” he says. Gruff. Cutting. “Oh.” His shoulders relax. “Go take another one of your baths, Misery.” His voice is husky, but kinder.

he wants you bad

Some nights, when he’s walking past her door, he has to whisper to himself: “Keep going.”

This is so dramatic for literally no reason

to feast on his plasma is futile. Nothing will convince him that I’m not going to exsanguinate

just say kill

I try not to stare at her nipples as she offers her hand.

gay

There is something selfless about Lowe, as though when he became Alpha he left behind any trace of himself. Or, more accurately, locked it into a drawer.

He’s repressed and his only duty is to the weres. Go figure

It must be tiresome, being a decent person, and I can’t relate. I revel in my moral flexibility.

yeah yeah you’re big and bad and scary

“How you managed to stay alive despite your reckless outbursts.”

is the outburst in the room with us

“Huddle?”

Surely theres a better word for it

entrails fertilize the plumbago?”

We get it you have a dictionary

Misery, one thing that’s not me.

This would’ve been so much better if they were gay

“Every Were has one?” “A mate? No. It’s fairly rare. Most Weres don’t expect to find one,

Except him of course. Because he’s an Alpha

“That’s how you felt? With your mate?” This time he turns to look at me. I don’t know why it takes him so long to produce that simple: “Yeah.”

For someone supposedly smart she’s fucking stupid

“Yeah. The bite is . .” His gaze flickers down to my neck. Lingers. “Important.”

SIGH

“If you come with me, Misery, you’ll have to be marked.”

oh BROTHER

Just a temporal subordinate clause.”

omg shut up

“Make you smell like”—the plane touches down with a graceful bump—“me.”

surely this process wont create sexual tension

It entails rubbing my skin against yours. My tongue, too.”

throwing up closing my eyes ew make it stop

know you don’t like my scent.” “I fucking love your scent.”

yeah we know

Because this thing spreading like spilled water below my navel, it’s arousal,

You’re so late to the party queen

She’s not like he imagined. She’s more, in every possible way.

These notes at the begin make me laugh. sorry

but it’s like starting a triple-timeline TV show from season four. Too many plot points, characters, world-building details.

I can’t with these analogies

Not that I expected to find it chock-full of MILF porn,

this is so unnecessary

“Above all, I won’t take her freedom. Not when so many others have already done so.”

omg is this fucking play abt us